Living With Addiction

Letting Go

Day 3 of 40

Today I let go of my precious loved ones struggling under the bondage and pain that living with addiction afflicts.  These souls, like many, battle strongholds of many kinds.  I don’t know what hurts worse, the unknown of their whereabouts and them not feeling loved or living with the fact that I could not be the one to help them conquer their battles.  

After my boundaries were bulldozed over repeatedly and these violations started triggering my old stronghold of fear to comply with their manipulations and control, that’s when I realized I had to let go and let God have His way.  This was and is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life because there are so many precious lives entangled here.  The grief and loss I am feeling is overwhelming.  I know many of us tender hearts are feeling the same tonight!

I am battling this sense of conflict between the guilt and shame in not being and doing enough for them along with the freedom in standing tall while loving myself enough to acknowledge that being healthy myself requires being removed from these generational curses that has overcome my precious loved ones.  I poured out so much love, I am parched.  I feel defeated, to say the least.  I don’t know if there are larger puddles of water outside from the constant rain or the puddling from the breach in the dam flowing from my tattered heart. 

As I pen these very words, the paramedics and fire department are parked outside my door which has been a common denominator and part of my life.  Except this time they have taken my lifeless neighbor away.  I pray she gathers enough strength to fight through her ailing health because she has a family that is also scared. They all need to be wrapped in love!

I am meditating on the scripture found in Psalm 90:12 that reminds us to “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  This comforts me a little, being honest, because without the love and wisdom to let go, that would have been my body instead being taken to the hospital.  Living with addiction effects everyone!  

Lord, I believe in you…

Enjoy Crystal Lewis’ song above about faith and believing in the hope and promises of the Lord.  The grieving process will be hard to digest, but I have to remind myself that I did my very best to pour out love into them, to comfort them, and to share my faith with them in ways on how to walk through this stronghold with strength and victory for deliverance.  I know many of us are going through this with loved ones and this is a job for the Great Healer and Physician!

God never said life would be easy!  I have decided never to give up on myself and walk through the door of letting go by believing.  Healing can begin when we believe!

Until next time…