A Girl Becomes A Woman When She Learns To Love HERSELF More Than She Loves A Man!
Words filled with hate and torturing venom penetrate into the girl’s heart and soul. The beautiful beloved gasps for air as she digests and searches for comfort between her regurgitated fears and her tear-stained cheeks flaming with humiliation.
She ponders her worth and self-esteem after every assault and affair. “I’m not enough! I don’t belong here. I’m a failure. Why won’t he love me?”
I picked up and allowed bad behaviors to infect and direct my life while learning coping mechanisms that provided nothing besides locking myself up in my own self-constructed cell of hell. I employed protection from the hard hats; construction crews of fear. This crew of fear built barriers around my heart that further wrapped me in emotional isolation and insecurities.
My choices reflected my fears, not my hopes!
That was before I knew God…
I never understood self-love and what self-compassion entailed. I lived out learned behaviors that dictated even if both of my legs were broken (or back), I kept going. No healing going on here…
Fake it until you make it, baby!
Confidence is Silent. Insecurities are Loud!
The enemy uses whatever weakness and temptation he can to derail us. When insecurities are loud, we become easily depressed and discouraged. Talk about distraction at its finest.
We even desire to live out Nelson Mandela’s wisdom, “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
But how do we live that out?
Sadly, a majority of my choices in the past reflected my fears and not my hopes. Had I only known that in order to be a woman, I had to learn to love myself first. And that required knowing who God said I was.
God teaches us magnificently who we are and how to love a man; and others, for that matter.
God’s Beautiful Beloveds dress themselves in confidence every day. They refuse to wear another’s insecurities!
I grow weary of wearing other people’s insecurities. Don’t you?
Their insecurities don’t fit. They’re either too restrictive, too heavy, expose way too much or uncomfortable! They itch, they inflame, and they inject pain in each layer. Plus talk about heavy baggage!
Time to dress myself in confidence instead. Confidence fits. It’s lighter. Confidence compliments and enhances our beauty!
What a concept!
I love confidence… the way it feels… the comfort… the ease… and how it radiates and enhances who I am! It makes me feel…
“A girl becomes a woman when she learns to love herself more than she loves a man” does not mean that we teach our daughters and granddaughters to be selfish Brides of Frankenstein.
Isn’t that called a Bridezilla?
I’ll say it, sometimes the reflection scares the ugly right out of me…
God Is Our First Love!
If we learn to put the Lord first, we will be able to love ourselves and others. We will learn how to set boundaries through communication and confidence. We won’t be easily angered. We will be patient and kind. Not rude. We will keep no record of wrongs…
Do I hear forgiving?
We will also know to run to our Papa God when our love tanks are low in order to get fueled up.
You know, when PMS strikes or those hot flashes are no match for those crocodile tears and manic ricocheting daggers because of our lack of hormones and escalated emotional needs!!!
Embracing Jesus to fill up our love tanks, He reminds us of our worth and value. Then we’re able to love others and not be needy beloveds.
There’s nothing more frightening than a needy beloved!
Before Christ, I ran after unhealthy relationships. I was so busy allowing people to assault and abuse me, being controlled by their dangling of performance-based love and manipulation, I became an angry doormat instead of a confident beloved.
There was never any time or ROOM for healthy relationships. I was too busy covering up and sweeping other people’s junk underneath the rug instead of exposing it and walking away, while hiding underneath my veil of shame.
When you don’t know what real love is like, you become desperate for any sort of attention and affection, negative or otherwise! Love isn’t supposed to hurt! But… loving a girl who hasn’t learned to love herself first is one of the hardest things to do!
Human love is considered an intimate affair. Beautifully so. Song of Songs 8:6-7 relates love as strong as death and jealousy (passion) as intense as the grave.
Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NIV)
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.
Being God’s treasured daughter affords self-love and self-compassion. Us girls need to learn to love ourselves first before we can possibly love another man. In order to love ourselves, we need to experience daily the love of our Father and that requires engaging in a relationship with Him. What a beautiful endearment!
Until next time…