When InHumane Conditions Exist…

20180414_184326_hdr-680078435.jpg

When Inhumane Conditions Exist…

There Is Always Love!

Dreams… Is there such a place where dreams do come true?

Oh wait, isn’t that Disneyland?

No, that’s just a theme…

We ALL need dreams to thrive and not just survive. They’re beautiful reminders of what could be, right?

What happens when a little D.I.R.T. is poured into our dreams? Does that suffocate them?

Would God really consider D.I.R.T. to be a blessing in disguise that ushers us to the Promised Land?

Well, seeds of love often require D.I.R.T. acting as soil that will help initiate the growth and blossoming, so…

But…

D = Disappointment

I = Insecurity

R = Rejection

T = Trouble

We all know the dreaded D.I.R.T.  Sometimes Disappointment arrives needing more than ointment. Insecurity develops robbing us of our security. Good ‘ole Rejection then rolls through starving us of that much-needed affection. And then Trouble rears its ugly head arriving as a strong tower threatening to burst more than our bubble.

Living life homeless is an understatement than the acronym D.I.R.T. defines. The pictures below are but a glimpse of what homelessness is like under the umbrella of inhumane conditions. Many homeless just sleep directly on the cement sidewalks.

20180414_182522_hdr1054746245.jpg

20180414_182518_hdr-99681630.jpg

20180414_182720_hdr899951515.jpg

The amazing thing about our Jesus is, when seeds of love are sprinkled about, new life suddenly appears. And when this new life sprouts up towards the light, it is given a second chance for life by reaching up and grabbing ahold of the hand that is extended. All because of L-O-V-E.

Seeds of love, mixed with tears of compassion, and nourishment filled with interaction and engagement, grew into this young man named Trev. I am honored and bouncing like a Mexican jelly bean in excitement to relate that Trev WAS A HOMELESS man.

Not anymore…

Through many amazing people and resources that I am blessed to surround my life with, Trev now has his own legal residential address and is being given a second chance at life. He grabbed the hand that was being utilized as God’s hands and feet.

He wants to do something in the veterinarian genre, so hopefully he will be able to give back to the homeless community with all the animals that accompany the homeless.

You see, I want to be different. I want to radiate LOVE. I see these homeless beloveds as our Beautiful Jesus does; treasured family. I want the fire living inside of me to effect everyone. I refuse to be stuck in the typical pattern of society’s egotism and blindness.

Trev gave me permission to write about him. He is one of a few beloveds that I will follow closely throughout their lives because relationships were made and they’re a reminder of how God’s Great Love Changes Everything…

I refer to Trev as my chocolate son. He is an amazing young man who made a few mistakes leading to bad decisions that led him to a homeless lifestyle. It does not mean that his life doesn’t matter!

Living on skid row down in Sacramento is the pit of hell. It is violent and dangerous. But LOVE diffuses more than crime. It encourages second chances through the offering of the olive branch.

With over a million-plus in total homeless population, 24% of that total number residing right here in California, highlighting the 28% increase in homelessness in my own backyard, Roseville, something has to be done. Time to take off our blinders.

I understand that serving the homeless isn’t for everyone. I spent many months guarding my own heart for fear that I was not cut out for it. It’s not glamorous. But as the picture reflects, I was crying big time, but they were tears of joy that Trev trusted me enough to engage in and share his life and the many broken pieces that led him to be a part of the homelessness. This relationship and trust took over four months of weekly contact to develop the nurturing and guidance. With God, all things are possible!

It takes a village of people to stabilize this epidemic of homelessness. Action is needed, not lip service! It takes everyone coming together to attack it through time, money, resources, commitment and dedication! One reason why I started Blameless…

Without my amazing resources and special team that are involved in this homeless epidemic in varying aspects; like Stacia, for opening up the gates of heaven with her angelic voice that draws others in as she is singing; Laura, for her commitment in loving on the homeless and being connected to one amazing county resource who places homeless people in HUD-owned properties; Becky, who works all day in the streets full of crime looking for those who she can place within county guidelines and budget; Eric, who loves ALL and will give you the shirt off of his back if you need it; and Dan for listening to me cry, grieve and bitch that enough is not being done quick enough when we’re driving away after another day…

Cheers! Here’s to you, Trev. We love you, are so proud of you, and are excited to see what all the Lord is doing through you and your life! Your life matters! Thank you for allowing me to sojourn with you!

Come be different with me… It’s a beautiful life radiating the love of Christ!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Advertisements

When Our Messes Become Our Message…

Blameless Mess Becomes Our Message

When Our Messes Become Our Message…

Breaking Free Announces Me!

Coming from an experienced beloved who’s walked through her fair share of messes, when we go through great pain and trials, it seems easier to just stay bound and wrapped up in captivity, entangled around comforts of familiarity.

Being a prisoner of fear, it seems every step we take to break free, the paralyzing torment only enhances the strength of our cells of hell.

Traumatic attacks are hard to survive and heal from when our focus is solely based on being bailed out. That includes also the loss of failed expectations, physical pain, emotional scars, and even financial destruction.

Blameless Breaking Free 5

I was asked how I comfortably share the torments of abuse and the shame that lingers while breaking free from that controlling link.

Admittedly, there are times when I get overwhelmed reliving it because it feels like another beloved’s trauma. It’s empowering to share, though, because it’s a reminder how freedom has taken back the power of my voice that was once stilled and lost. 

I try to emphasize that there is no shame in our game; Jesus is His name! There really is power in the name of Jesus when we release the blood stains caused from those fears of judgment and condemnation.

Maybe that’s why my heart burns with desire in being an advocate for those who have lost their voice because I get it. I’ve walked that path. I not only survived, but it made me courageous and confident enough to start a nonprofit organization helping others. 

Change requires a lifetime pursuit understanding and applying what 2 Corinthians 1:4-5 (MSG) talks about. God “comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.”

Blameless Breaking Free Announces Me

Breaking Free Announces Me!

I met a beloved once at one of our W.E.A.V.E. support groups. I had only learned of W.E.A.V.E.’s existence after escaping exactly what the acronym defines:  Women Escaping A Violent Environment. I was not an advocate then. I was attending these meetings because I had found myself a victim of a creepy stalker.

Stalkers want what they cannot have…

Even though I had broken free from the chains of physical and emotional abuse, I was still imprisoned with identity and insecurity depravities that needed some fine tuning with the Lord’s direct intervention.

Our Beautiful Jesus brings healing to our lives usually one step at a time!

I’ve learned now to approach the testing of trials with more peace, confidence and clarity as my faith has deepened. Trials are now perceived as opportunities to learn tools that will help equip me with what might be brewing in the future; for example, hope, trust, peace, perseverance, patience, courage, you name it.

The development of my character became profound after I left my violent environment.  Kind of funny how God orchestrates situations at times. Here I had broken free from the cycles of abuse and the Lord introduces me to a woman who I would help break free from her own violent environment. 

 

Blameless Tired Of Being Told

God uses my mess and message to walk alongside of others who are tired of being told what they cannot be and live out who God created them to be.

Genesis 50:20 (NIV) perfectly announces to the enemy our authority claiming victory, You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Pondering the power that Genesis 50:20 foretells will remind us that our trials are not meant to torment us or even keep us on our knees. They’re intended to launch us to a completely different atmosphere where we recognize our messes are our messages.

Keeping our messes to ourselves robs others of the blessings that our testimonies offer.

Our momentary troubles are not meant to be gone through alone, much less swept underneath the rug. They’re oftentimes meant to strengthen us.

Conflict births opportunities. It’s possible our tests have come because they’re going to be a part of our testimony.

God wants us alive and present, available to be His powerful and courageous vessels!

I’m going to be brave enough to try and seize every moment of my trials so I can learn wisdom that will help me get through the next mess quicker and stronger.

Max Lucado’s Declaration of Faith is worthy of being proclaimed:

I’ll get through this. 

It won’t be painless. 

It won’t be quick. 

But God will use this mess for good. 

I won’t be foolish or naive, but I won’t despair either. 

With God’s help, I will get through this.

~ Max Lucado ~

 

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless Just Because Beautiful You 1.1

Becoming Love…

Animals Versus Human Beings,

Whose Life Is More Valuable?

An adorable puppy was found left on the side of a Sacramento freeway with his skull bashed in. It was clear he had been abused.

It made news headlines.

Tragically so… 

People were knocking each other out to contribute financially for his needed care!

What kind of monster would smash the head in of a two-month-old puppy with a hammer?

Then again, what sick person would take a military-style weapon into an elementary school and start taking their aggression and deep hurts out by shooting and killing innocent children?

When more value is placed on the Animal Kingdom than Mankind, we need to revisit our priorities!

Combing through all these tangles and snags of deception is brutal. We’ve obviously viewed these tragedies blinded while they laid dormant awaiting a spark to ignite the wick of mania explosion.

We need what only a miraculous Divine intervention can offer now.

Blameless Light Of Your Love

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Romans 15:7).

I thought we united as a society where all lives matter! Was that just a trend and it fizzled?

If we appreciate and celebrate each others’ lives, then why are our pocketbooks overflowing when it comes to injured animals, but we become bankrupt and blind when it’s regarding our forsaken homeless?

Thank God He never forsakes us…

If we are accepted and celebrated, why is man’s best friend more valuable than a beloved that God created and designed in His own image?

I love animals and love to rescue. It’s beautiful so many people had compassionate hearts and donated money to give life to this puppy. But why are our pocketbooks or belongings sealed up tight when donations are solicited for homelessness?

Homeless people should be considered more valuable than a puppy. Homeless beloveds have the same needs as puppies; they need love, nurturing, guidance and patience to learn behaviors that will equip them with tools to make better decisions. 

I know what it’s like to be rejected and orphaned by those who were supposed to nurture, love and protect while providing a loving environment to learn and grow from.

When you’ve been abandoned, you often make decisions and choices that are not in the best interest of anyone. Bad choices follow you around like the plague, waiting to kill, steal and destroy.

Every single one of the drops of blood Jesus shed had a name written in it!

Jesus died for us, our sins, and was resurrected to eternal life so He could take hopeless situations and flood them with His Love and hope. Beautiful Jesus takes our many broken pieces and turns them into peace.

These precious and homeless souls need to be shepherded to Him for healing. Jesus Is the reason in every season and has Risen!

As Vironika Tugaleva states, “I can’t change you and you can’t change me, but together we can work to change the world.”

Inspiring just ONE person ALREADY changed the world.

We all need affirmations and validation that will tear down the cement barriers surrounding our tattered and bleeding hearts in need of Jesus’ healing. 

Changed lives change Cities!

Since the depth of our past reveals the height of our future (thank God I’m almost six feet tall), are our heads too far up our pasts to see that we are putting more value on animals than mankind?

God’s love is not based on performance. Jesus became Love. Before Jesus ever performed any miracle, He had the validation of God’s love speaking from Heaven saying, “This is my Son, whom I love…” (Matthew 17:5).

God does not validate like we do. We validate based on what people do for us and how they make us feel. If our actions validate and bring value to what that individual needs, they in turn love. God validates based on relationship and that relationship requires intimacy.

Every single one of those drops of Jesus’ blood shed on the cross was for me and for you. Each drop had our names on them.

We can be 100% certain, even if we don’t have any further direction for our lives, that being and becoming LOVE is always God’s will for us. Giving love away is easy, but it requires action. The only thing it costs is ourselves, our time and action.

That includes when there’s traffic…

When we’re waiting in long lines…

When the doctor is an hour behind…

When our in-loves (in-laws) are moving in…

When we feel we’re accepted and loved, our self-esteem and confidence is boosted and it helps us make better choices and decisions. We start trusting others. And where Love radiates, our Beautiful Jesus heals.

I know this personally, because though my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord received me graciously (Psalm 27:10) with new life.

 

Blameless Jesus on Cross

It’s amazing what His Love does for us. The alchemy of transformation is nothing short of miraculous!

When Good Friday comes upon us and Easter, let’s be awakened to the beauty that every tear and drop of blood Jesus shed suffering His unconscionable crucifixion on the Cross had a name written in it as He Became Love Himself.

I don’t know about you, but my name was in one of those bloody droplets along with many homeless people’s names. Now that’s Love!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

 

To Belittle…

To Belittle Is To

be little!

Should you ever find yourself the victim of another’s bitterness, their smallness, or even their insecurities, remember… things could be worse… you could be them!

Oh my…

No, thank you! I’ve had my fill of the angry birds and abusers for a lifetime.

Today I was reminded of God’s amazing love and His protection in guarding my heart when a family member attacked and belittled me.

Abusers are a part of my DNA. Lord knows I’ve learned from the best! But one thing I have learned and am so grateful for is, Greater is He that lives in me than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4).

The beauty of transformation. Thank you, Jesus!

And I don’t take “my DNA” lightly. The blood that runs through my veins now is kingdom-filled and full of life flowing with God’s Love, not hate and spite of the enemy that comes to kill, steal and destroy!

Am I upset?

It’s time to break through the mold and thank Jesus for His life and freedom in being beautiful beloveds who are dearly loved, imperfect and yet, His magnificent works of art, right?

I want to be free of all these deeply-seated wounds and the broken pieces that are hindering me from my God-given identity and purpose.

How about you?

Blameless Breaking Free

When another belittles or tries to pretend we’re a bad person so they don’t feel guilty about the things they did personally to us or said about us, running from confrontation and any accountability whatsoever, we are most like Christ when we remain silent under attack.

And let me be brutally honest here…

It is sooooo freakin’ stinkin’ hard to remember this when being assaulted. People can be savage!

Belittle may be defined as to “make (someone or something) seem unimportant,” but that’s an understatement. People are cruel. Even family members. This is their way of projecting their insecurities onto others and what they wished they actually were.

So when walking through another’s assault that deems my life as “worthless,” the sole blame for their problems, it is near impossible to be quiet.

Where’s my voice, Lord?

Gag me with peace!

How can my breastplate be shielding my heart when I can still feel pain ricocheting off my shield?

This breastplate of righteousness is what protects and guards our heart which is the very seat of our emotions, you know, our self-worth and trust factor.

Thank God I’ve been touched by my Beautiful Jesus who loves me and I can run to Him for refuge knowing He’ll never forsake me.

When you’ve been completely rejected and abandoned, you need tender coddling and assurance to deal with persecution and courage to walk through life confident and strong.

Sweet friends, the piercing of our hearts requires immediate healing so the pain will not attach and fester into a venomous bitter root. When stuffed down, it will eventually mirror the aggressor’s ugly actions with death rolling from our tongues!

This reiterates why James talks about the tongue being a small but powerful member that destroys everyone and everything in its path (James 3:1-12). Who needs to fear a nuclear war when our mouths are more destructive?

Forgive me for the profanity below, but it speaks to my carnality as it releases toxins from the sting incurred from an embittered person’s assaults.

Blameless Projection Accountability

Just being transparent…

It’s hard to pray for those who hurt us, but loving our enemies and doing good to those who hate us is brutally challenging. Not to mention blessing those who curse us is even harder (Luke 6:27-29).

I’m still a work in progress, but it can be done when we’re filled with God’s Love.

Remembering to be on guard equipped with our shields of faith when assaults come out of nowhere takes practice. We lose our focus easily. Guarding our hearts and minds requires being grounded daily in God’s Word. This helps thwart the attacks from distracting us and subtracting our worth.

Our worth was never theirs to give us in the first place, so they cannot take away what was not theirs to give anyways.

Words hurt. They sting. They rob us and can leave us depleted!

Belittling is flat-out cruel and a form of emotional abuse. The best rebuttal is to love and respond with a blessing. That takes a BIG heart of courage! Any fool can retaliate; just saying…

God wants His Beautiful Beloveds building others up because we know what it’s like to be torn down and ripped to shreds.

So…

“Never let anyone belittle you. Their unkind words are a reflection of their insecurities and what they wish for you to be.” Trust in yourself and believe in who God says you are:

His Masterpiece!

Until next time...

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

 

Dear Younger Me…

Blameless Dear Younger Me

Blameless Dear Younger Me 4

… I Forgive You!

Every Decision To Live For God Will NEVER Leave You With Regrets!

Dear Younger Me…

I forgive you for not loving, even abhorring, the beautiful beloved God created you to be…

I forgive you for living your life trying to blend in and be accepted where you did not belong…

I forgive you for believing that you had to do anything but “Just Be” to be loved…

I forgive you for trying to look and act like others while burying the uniqueness, the value and the qualities your true self radiates…

I forgive you for giving away your innocence and purity to a boy who was dared and did not care…

I forgive you for hiding underneath your umbrella of protection due to the insecurities built around rejection…

I forgive you for allowing fear to cheat and defeat you…

I forgive you for allowing the lies of the enemy to rule over your life, thereby living in strife…

I forgive you for not prancing through the poppy flower fields and for not dancing everywhere you pleased…

I forgive you for not believing you are enough as you plowed through the rough stuff…

I forgive you for trying to question and destroy the life that God intended as His prized possession…

I forgive you for every slash of your wrist that you could not resist to prove you did exist…

I forgive you for calling down the rapture as you drove yourself off that cliff that God decided to capture…

I forgive you for not living, laughing and loving instead of striving…

I forgive you for not fulfilling your marital vows promising to love until death do you part instead of drilling…

I forgive you for believing you must perform and conform in order to be loved…

I forgive you for allowing your life to be buried and wasted underneath every shovel full of shame and guilt instead of being carried during this game…

I forgive you for believing you were not worthy of unconditional love…

I forgive you for allowing being orphaned to be equated with an abortion…

I forgive you for every assault and violation that you felt you deserved to receive…

I forgive you for not standing up and demanding your voice be heard in objecting to your uncle’s constant hands all over your body that resembled more like worms squirming through dirt…

I forgive you for choosing alcohol, drugs, depression and denial as a vice to numb the pain instead of embracing God’s peace and grace…

I forgive you for having to lay down on the bed just to zip up your jeans…

Blameless Tight Jeans or Friendship

I forgive you for NEVER wanting to wear those jeans again… (Yep, that’s what it looks like!)

I forgive you for your mistakes and failures and feeling like a disgrace…

I forgive you for not believing that you are chosen, pursued and loved beyond measure that would have ushered God’s favor of healing into motion…

These imperfections, mistakes and failures are what led you to be the beautiful beloved you are; one that is pursued after and one whom is highly favored by our Lord and Savior.

Without these imperfections, choices and decisions, you would have missed out having this relationship with our Lord, not knowing or receiving His grace and tender mercies, much less embracing the beauty derived from the alchemy of transformation that salvation offers.

God gave and forgave much so you could see the strong, joyful, bold and courageous beloved that you are today in being His prized possession!

For that I am grateful!

One last thing: I do forgive you for living a life without God. Now you embrace with grace knowing every decision to live for God will never leave you with regrets!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless Living For God

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next? Part 2

Blameless New Beginnings 1.1

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next? 

Part 2

Violence, pain and suffering is predominant in the world today.  Why do children hate their parents?  Why do parents slaughter, use as weapons of mass destruction, or even sell and reject their own children?  How do wars between brother against brother and sister against sister ignite?  Where’s the love?

Hurt People Hurt Others

Jesus came to redeem our hurts, our lives, our families, by and through His blood which cost God so much.  I don’t know about you, but I’m in need of His daily transfusion of blood to cleanse my own soul and wash away my sins.

Needed:  Daily Blood Transfusions

Sadly, the world is full of sick, evil and hurt people whose hurts have never been worked through along with mental illness that has been swept underneath the rug for generations.  Instead of being diagnosed and treated, it has advanced into a full-fledged epidemic. 

It’s tragic because there is no shame in having mental illness.  Anxiety, depression, addiction and eating disorders and rage are prevalent because they have been shamed for far too long.  This world may demand perfection, but as I say in my advocacy:

There is no shame in our game; Jesus is His name!

Being vulnerable where deep hurts are involved is more than uncomfortable, but I know there are many Beloveds who need to hear how God’s amazing grace sustained me so they can lean in and press through themselves.  It is hard when the world beats down on you Blameless Crown Tiarra 7making you feel insignificant and irrelevant, and you don’t know where to turn or even if you’re important enough to be seen or matter.  We all want to know we’re enough.

We can’t claim victory when we’re weaponless, have dull blades on our swords, so exhausted we can’t even see or think straight, not to mention when we’re starving and freezing cold.  This is where we get the option to either believe the lies of the enemy or allow God to pour out His Love into our depleted souls by tenderly affirming us.  The way He reaches down and coddles and comforts us next to His beating heart reassures us of our meaningful existence and His Great Love that is found in the beautiful pages of scripture.  I can’t advocate enough for the strength and peace received through peeling the pages of the Bible wide open.  Life literally pours out and ushers you into a relationship that offers freedom and acceptance!

When we’re wounded, even the slightest hiss will send us hiding!

God wants to wrap His everlasting arms around us tight until we slowly release our grip as we become aware and realize how loved and valued we are.  We are so cherished, God pursues our lives.  Us girls love to be pursued, don’t we?  I know I do!  He even serenades over us as He rejoices over our existence (Zephaniah 3:17).  I don’t know about you, but I have never been serenaded so the realization of this warms my tender heart and soul.

God designed us to need and be receptive to this kind of Great Love so we can realize where our worth and value derive from.  His Love is that good, fulfilling and rewarding.  And it never ceases.  There’s nothing we can do to lose His Love either.  For us Beloveds who have been rejected and abandoned, that is nourishment to feast on for our famished souls. 

Seeing ourselves from God’s perspective opens the pathway of our hearts and knocks down the barriers of pride that hinders our confidence.  This way we don’t have to stay hidden, humiliated and ashamed because we were rejected, in our protective shells.  We can stand tall, with feet fitted firmly in the ground, knowing our worth and value.

This is why I constantly share why I go to the Bible first when in distress.  The Word is alive and active.  When I’ve been attacked, forsaken and rejected, thrown out as discarded leftovers, my heart is shattered.  I need guidance, grace, and reassuring tender mercies of love and worth thatBlameless Hebrews 4.12 (2) will help remind me and give clarity to who God says I am.  That is why the Bible is so powerful.

We can’t lose sight of the fact that hurt people hurt others.  Victims of heinous behaviors would be repeating the same thing to others if we didn’t have this loving and powerful Word of God to equip us with the ability to withstand the flaming arrows of the enemy along with the ability to forgive.  This allows us to reach out with compassion to others.  We need to share our testimonies of strength and deliverance.  Hebrews 4:12-13 clears up any miscommunication about the benefits of the Bible:  “For the Word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”

Beautiful Beloved, being victims of another person’s pain confuses what true, healthy love and behaviors are.  Our worth and value comes from the Lord God Almighty, not anyone else!  This will help us understand why many of us feel unloved and unwanted.  We will do just about everything and anything to fulfill that void.  When others fail to meet our expectations and afflict pain onto our already tattered and fragile lives, we often look outside of ourselves for this very reason. 

God created us with unique qualities that NO ONE BESIDES US has, and without that quality, there would be no beauty in the bunch!  Please do not allow anyone to rob you of your gifts, beauty and talents.  The world needs you!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

 

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?

Part 1

I’ve been abused, abandoned and rejected.  Now what?  What does that say about me when others treat me as rubbish and waste?  We only discard filth, so does that mean I’m not worthy to be loved, honored and cherished?  Who discards their child with contempt anyways? 

Disclaimer:  This blog series for the next couple months may trigger some Beloveds that have been a victim of abuse.  Abuse and rejection are hard areas to heal.

Who wants to vocalize and admit they’re a victim of abuse, abandonment and rejection?   Not me, but it’s something we need to talk about and share with one another, so…

We all desire to be loved, accepted and belong.  I am no exception.  Admitting I was thrown out as waste and unwanted droppings automatically labeled me as a reject, unwanted, refused, loser, no value, screwed up, refund demanded!  What does that say Blameless Clearance Rack 3about me as a Beloved, my worth and value, and every decision I would make subsequently thereafter? 

When you’re not wanted and abandoned, that rejection tears right through your heart, mind, body and soul.  Plus, you don’t know how to love or be loved; instead you become one whom must perform to others’ expectations in order to be loved.  WRONG!

I’m glad I’m a Beloved who chases after my Lord, even though He never leaves our side.  Otherwise, I truly don’t know how I would have walked through such a lonely, hopeless and heartbreaking journey, much less become the bold and courageous Beloved I am today.  God turned my ashes into beauty.  I know I’m God’s treasured daughter who was once found at the bottom of the dump, but God meticulously cleaned me up and now I’m crowned skipping merrily in freedom, confidence and wholeness.  What a beautiful assurance of His Great Love.  That’s called a beautiful exchange!

As the torturing fire of acknowledgement burns the pit of my stomach as I write, my mouth regurgitates “I’ve been rejected, AGAIN!”  The reality of such an abominable tragedy to any child is overwhelming, but the power from the eruption of St. Tammy’s Emotions exposes an even deeper level of loss and insecurities.

I am so grateful the Lord didn’t consider me scraps that are thrown out to the pigs.  Instead He chooses to love, cherish and relentlessly pursue me so much that He even extended His loving arms down from heaven to protect me when I drove myself off that cliff 37 years ago and redeemed my life with His Great Love.

God doesn’t kick His children to the curb or throw them away like a piece of deplorable regret.  In fact, He calls His children His masterpieces and works of art!  His Love never ceases and He will never forsake us either.  There’s nothing we can do to lose that Love.

When We’re Considered A Piece of Deplorable Regret!

I am not the only person who’s been rejected and abused, much less abandoned.  My heart genuinely grieves for the Beloveds that have been violently tormented.  My teeth grit just thinking about the unconscionable behavior of others.  It’s hell that no one could even begin to understand unless you’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death yourself. 

Emotional trauma caused by those who profess to love you is the hardest journey to walk through victoriously.  It can cause other mental health issues such as depression, addiction, eating disorders, you name it, just to escape and numb the pain that afflicts the heart and mind.  I know, alcohol makes a great numbing agent, or did!

This is really hard for me to talk about.  Dealing with the tragedies of life and facing it head on is something that is outside of my comfort zone without Mr. Denial, but…

When one is discarded like rubbish, though, this torment leaves a permanent marking from the scorching cauterization of the branding iron.  This imprint of “rejected” forever tarnishes one’s worth and value tragically and effects behaviors regarding life, love and choices and decisions.  Even effects our relationship with God.

God is a God of love and mercy, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (Psalm 103:8) who never leaves our side.  I’ve been healed by the touch of God and now I understand why I passionately want to help the unlovable because all lives matter and deserve to be loved. 

One thing is absolutely certain besides my tangent:  No one is unlovable and removed from the touch of God!

My bestie lovingly reminded me of the worse offenders to help soothe the sting of my abuser’s manic explosion.  She shared, “Some moms sell their children as sex slaves for rent money and to satisfy their own drug fix.”

We are not the labels our offenders branded us with!

The greatest gift God gives us is family and friendships.  If we’ve been orphaned, God brings us friendships to fill those vacancies and walk alongside of us being the hands and feet of God, along with offering their precious hearts and time.  The love, hope and affirmations we receive from our relationships cultivate our beauty to bloom right where we’re planted.  That’s how we thrive and not just survive.  Investing precious time into our relationships not only shows love, but it also revives honor.

Because we are loved immeasurably more than we could ever imagine, the torturous time feeling invisible and insignificant, you know, overlooked because we are tossed out with the rest of the trash, God sees us.  He not only sees us, He is even proud to be seen with us and calls us the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8).  Blameless Crown Tiarra 7To know we are His prized possession and treasured Beloveds should empower us to walk bravely and take risks with confidence knowing He will never leave us. 

When only Love could make a way, being immersed in God’s mercy and love creates a wholeness and contentment of heart.  Knowing we are called His treasured daughters enables us to forgive our offenders.  People are full of pain and pride and sickness.  Shame cripples and shackles.  It’s a powerful membrane.  But we don’t have to stay entangled in the Black Widow’s web of destruction.

Honestly, even though I am at a great place in my life spiritually, professionally and emotionally, admitting that I’m orphaned and not wanted is a hard pill to swallow.  It’s hard to admit that.  It does leave a sense of loss to my heart, but I’ll allow this pain to help others.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless New Beginnings 1.1

 

About Me/Meet Tammy Ingram/Founder and President of Blameless & Forever Free Ministries

Tam Pic 2017

About Me

About me…  For starters, I proudly wear the crown in being Grammy Tammy. I was graced with a princess granddaughter after raising, and surviving, rambunctious sons.  All I knew besides being knee deep in muddy waters, stinky socks, baseballs and Tonka trucks, were starving boys and harassing girls. Now a whole new world of tiaras and tutus and bright pink manicures/pedicures enriches each day along with giggles and princess kisses.

On a more serious note, I am a beach girl raised in good ‘ole Southern California.  When I’m traveling abound and running through airports, I am often asked if I was raised in the south due to my Tammy Flare.  I jokingly reply, “Well, you could say so.  I grew up in beautiful San Diego County.  That is in the south, you know!” 

I am a treasured daughter who has embraced God’s grace, determined to leave a legacy of love through the realm of advocacy. Being a “Voice” for those who have lost theirs through the imprisonment of abuse, abandonment, addiction, neglect and violence is an honor to glorify my Beautiful Jesus. My motto and the way I see it is:  There is no shame in our game; Jesus is His name!

Because the Lord has chosen to turn my ashes into beauty, after 20 years working in the law profession combined with another seven years serving as a chaplain, obviously attending the law enforcement chaplaincy academy wasn’t enough academia, so the Lord called me back to school.  College life is hard enough for a 20-year-old, much less a woman in her Fabulous Fifties.

I am proud to say I graduated Magna Cum Laude and am a lifetime honorary scholastic member of Alpha Lambda Delta while accomplishing my Bachelor’s of Science in Religion, with a minor in church ministries.  But… and I preface it with a big BUT… I am forever working on my Master’s of Divinity.  Some day!  I’m Grammy Tammy; doing everything backwards! 

I know all too well the life application meaning of Philippians 4:13 at its finest:  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  So hard, but so rewarding!

You will find quite often that I refer to myself as being “high maintenance” in my writings.  This “high maintenance” tag is just another lucid term I use to describe my pathetic Tammy Tantrum fits. Seeing a near six-foot-tall woman pout and cry hysterically explains my extreme need for time with my Lord. 

I love my Jesus and when I find His radiance has taken a backseat to the cast-iron horns emerging from my head while flaming arrows are spewing out of my mouth (quite the visualization, huh?), initiating a meltdown consisting of toddler tantrums, I realize rather quickly my great need for my Goditude time; solitude time with my Papa God.

Since I’ve been an advocate for those without a voice due to abuse, addiction, depression, being abandoned and rejected (all of which I have walked through myself), I understand the hurt, the loss and sorrow from a bleeding heart. I want to share with other Beautiful Beloveds my story with a twist: Being an Advocate for the Word instead!

I believe the Bible is God’s love letter.  After all, He calls us His masterpiece and His work of art (Ephesians 2:10).  The Word was written to engage in a relationship with us, much like a father relates to his children here on earth; to teach and instruct us in the way in which we should go through love, His Love.

God knew how hard life would be at times and that we would suffer, feel rejected, become lonely, and even develop characteristics and behaviors in need of fine-tuning.  He gave us this tangible moral compass because of His Great Love for us.  He wanted to make sure we had something to touch and could go to as a reminder of His loving presence, for help, hope, reassurance and strength as we press through while being loved just the way we are.

His love is abounding.  I pray you’re awakened to why God created mankind in His image (Genesis 1:27).  He created us with different colors, shapes and sizes in order to bring beauty to the bunch.  His creation was intended to engage in being unified within our communities by acknowledging our need for “each other.”  As I always say, without each other, there is no beauty in the bunch.

God designed us for relationship with Him and others.  We need each other to thrive, not just to survive.  I believe we need to share our lives with courage while being a member of the Hot Club; being honest, open and transparent! 

One thing I will promise you, being honest, open and transparent in my writings might offend some, but I am a supporter of being vulnerable and authentic.  Leave the judgment to Jesus; that’s His job, not ours!  I live by my advocacy motto:  There is no shame in our game, Jesus is His Name!

The greatest gift I pray you take away is how much God loves you.  He loves it when we take the time to open up His Word and snuggle in tight learning about His nature, goodness and sovereignty.  He wants to pour healing into our hearts by speaking affirmations and truths about us being His Beautiful Beloveds. Cleaving and pressing into the Lord escorts us into the presence of what it’s like to be truly loved!  The worth and value is overwhelming; be-loved and be-valued and be-healed!

Welcome.  I pray you enjoy this blog and come back often.  Please feel free to email me. You can email me with your prayer requests by visiting my non-profit organization’s website at blamelessandforeverfreeministries.org

Until next time…

Living With Addiction † Breaking Free From Captivity Day 22 of 40

Blameless Breaking Free 2

Living With Addiction

Breaking Free From Captivity

† Freedom to be You and Me †

Day 22 of 40

A child’s innocence stolen!  Through no fault of their own, the child is thrust into an environment that is anything conducive to behaviors worth emulating, much less a world that any adult should walk through or be subjected to.  The vantage point being projected through the naive lens of a child is one of sheer horror and gore.

For the precious, innocent child, being left alone to process the effects brought on from rage and abuse in living with addiction, they are victimized and stripped of all protection and innocence.  Their only hope for survival is through denial.  Denial will become their stable reality.  They will learn that the only way to handle fear is through the fight-and-flight response.

The child immediately employs protection from the construction crew of fear.  With no one to offer consolation and a warm embrace, the child’s fear factor instinctively and subconsciously constructs a safe haven.  This safe haven consists of walls and barriers intended to protect the child as they hide and cradle behind all the emotional scars brought on from the lack of parental protection and emotional stability.  Abandonment is a fierce enemy when a child’s heart is unprotected!

The only rocking this child receives is in the drawing up of one’s knees tightly to their chests with their t-shirts pulled over down to their feet as a means for capturing needed warmth and protection.  They rock back and forth in their cocooned state to pacify and console their anxieties caused from living in a violent environment.  Constant crocodile tears flow from the child’s tender face saturating their t-shirt that once offered warmth now leaving the child cold due to the dampness caused from the chill in the air.

Because of the child’s innocence and naivety, these walls they’ve constructed around their tender and bleeding hearts for protection from others do nothing but hinder their reality as to what life is like in the healthy behaviors that exist on the other side of the wall.  Their barriers teach nothing but emotional isolation, though understandable.  This emotional isolation leads to a lack of self-worth riddled with insecurities and identity crises.

As the child attempts to climb up on his own to catch a glimpse of what God says is on the other side of the wall offering freedom, the child is troubled and confused by what they see.  There is peace without chaos and violence.  Their skewed perception developed from fear clouds the warm invitation and the comforts offered through what the safety of the environment promises. 

The child hesitates and exhausts themselves emotionally to climb over.  Without a friend or parent’s hand to grab ahold of to help them safely over the wall, the exhaustion sets in from battling the fear of the unknown alone.  This fear contributes to the child slipping, allowing the barbwire on top off the wall to grab ahold of their flesh, causing even greater physical and emotional pain.

The child is forced to reside in the lonely, cold and dark places they’ve created to protect themselves from the dark and violent world they were running from until they scurry up enough strength to attempt their breakthrough again.  Light and warmth arouses their curiosity.  Children may be resilient, but what kind of entanglement will their imprisonment bring until exhaustion sets back in?  Is this how we are leaving future generations instead of equipping them?

The child repeatedly attempts to no prevail.  Each attempt leaves the child numb and desensitized to the pain being caused from each laceration delivered from being held captive in the entanglement of the barbwire.  The child wants rescued.  This child is alone and does not have any guidance how to tackle this bondage victoriously.  No one is walking alongside of them or extending a hand of help.  Everyone just looks the other way.  They want help, but no one is offering.  Why are we a society who gives up too quickly and would rather cast the blame and responsibility onto somebody else?

With no one encouraging the child to try again or in a different way, the child becomes so weak and delirious, bad decisions are made.  The child’s last futile attempt to break free from the entangled mess offers nothing but resolution to just survive instead of thrive in this painful cocoon and environment.  Every future move that child will make will cause great bodily injury, to themselves and/or others.  Where does this cycle of abuse end?

Children do not know how to handle adult problems and should never be a part of or witness, whether abusive or not.  Children need to be protected.  When parents are at war dealing with their own emotional battle scars of abuse and addiction, this only further aids in casting the frightened and innocent child into a scary world all alone due to being wrapped up in the remains and captivity of fear and isolation.  But there is hope!

How does one go from abhor to restore?  Love versus fear!  Faith versus fear!  How does that look when the victim is both the child and adult and owning up to one’s responsibility as a parent in allowing my precious cubs to be subjected to this ugly world in living with addiction and abuse?  Fear kept me in bondage as a victim and yet Love was calling me to freedom.

Faith versus fear, how would you react?  Breaking free is a risk.  Is freedom worth it?  My fear’s captivity and insecurities led me paralyzed, unable to escape the bondage and have self-control with trust and freedom.  How could I teach and equip my children to walk in freedom outside the generational walls of living with addiction and abuse when I was too cowardly to break free myself?

Enjoy listening to the lyrics that speak so loudly and profoundly to this very subject in “I’ll Keep On” by Jeremiah Carlson.

Until next time…

 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: