Tag Archives: #Christianity

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I stood there shocked in disbelief. Every single one of the doctor’s words spoken were unintelligible, framed in slow-motioned lip slices to this mama’s hemorrhaging heart.

When our world turns upside down AND implodes!

Hearing tragic news literally jolts your world. It scars and cuts like a knife. It shakes and rocks your world more violent than a 7.5 earthquake.

The doctor’s rushed encounter causes sheer terror. Extreme panic and shock sets in. Only divine and supernatural intervention can restore.

Your hands cup the disbelief along with salty tears released from the ducts of Hoover Dam. You collapse to the ground because your weight becomes too much to bear by yourself. 

As your body folds onto the cold cement floor of the E.R. doorway, your focus zooms to the feet scurrying by and the relentless, torturing, alarm sounds going off from medical devices sustaining lives triggering major PTSD.

Code Blue, Room 2!

The coolness from the floor can’t compete with what’s burning through your heart and mind.  The branding sears, “Code Blue, Room 2; Code Blue, Room 2.”

My mind races back 25 years as I cradle this beautiful blue-eyed baby boy with the sweetest white hair that I spiked up like Bart Simpson.

The joy this mama’s heart pondered hearing what a beautiful baby he was from those passing by; though their initial reactions were that he was a girl because he was such a beautiful porcelain-skinned doll. It didn’t matter, he was my beautiful baby.  He was God’s medical miracle.

Cradling him back and forth became a coping mechanism that would offer him comfort throughout his life.

Setting them free…

My beautiful blessings

Miracles…

I wish I could go back and hold him forever as I squish and caress his porky feet.

Only us mamas can appreciate our infatuations with our children’s feet.

Dislike feet?  Stinky and gross?

Me, too.  That is, until I gave birth to my children.

Suddenly two feet layered in Red Wings and blue slip covers slide into my uncharted pool of tears. I’m agitated because they’re occupying my “personal space,” even though I lay dormant on the hospital’s floor. 

After hearing repeated “Ma’ams,” this fully bearded, piercing dark eyes and haired man wearing a white kippah squats down and squares me right in the face. His lips begin to move, but I can no longer make sense of anything after the explosion of tragedy hit my brain.

I laid there comatose until his physical touch stroking my hair away from my face did my senses start to re-emerge.

He offers to help me up, but due to the paralysis from all the fear and dread and the lack of courage to face reality, he scoops me up into his arms instead and pulls me out of the deadly traffic jam in front of Trauma Room 2.

No sooner than hearing the beat of another’s heart, my eyes fell laser-focused onto the huge lifeless squishy feet hanging over the hospital gurney as many doctors and nurses were performing CPR, inserting tubes and IV’s into my lifeless blue son.

The adrenaline from the broken heart leaped me out of the chaplain’s arms and off the floor as loud battle cries from heaven wailed, causing the medical team to pull the curtain closed.

The chaplain catches me again, pulling me away from the room.

When your visualization is a lifeless baby boy, who may be 6’5″, but who is blue and not responding to medical attention being rendered, your eyes and mind focus intuitively on what’s outside the drawn curtain for survival. 

You frame each second onto the surroundings; his blood on the floor, the fluid bags and needle wrappings and the horrible sounds coming from the trauma team who is now holding your baby boy as long as it takes.

God’s Great Love reaches down to hold me tight through this amazing Jewish Chaplain named Joe. God comforts me through Joe saying, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes” along with scripture from Deuteronomy 31:6:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

God was faithful in sustaining me. His words are branded forever in my heart and mind, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes.”

And through a life that’s cleaved to those beautiful words, even when there hasn’t been an expected and good ending, I trust my Father God to pick me up and carry me through every tragedy and loss that comes my way.

As far as this 6’5″ baby boy, his striking blue eyes still pierce this mama’s heart with love and strong, yet tender, hugs. This day ended well!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Seek To Understand Before Seeking To Be Understood!

Blameless Seek To Understand

Seek To Understand Before Seeking To Be Understood! 

So hard when words from another hurt like hell.

Hi friends and family!  Our hearts and prayers go out to everyone who’s been affected by the tragedies in Gilroy, El Paso and Dayton. It seems that these hurt/sick people hurting others has turned into an evil epidemic seeing who can outkill one another.

When my son and I were talking about how these hate crimes and hurting individuals have changed the landscape of everyone’s lives, personally involved or not, it tapped into my own fears from being victimized reiterating how we’re all effected by these horrific crimes.

Right after talking with my son, I listened to a girlfriend’s deep pain from defeating and defaming words delivered by a coworker, feeling that no one defended her.

This brought up my own pain from the sting of what others have said and done recently that were still fresh.

Speaking honestly here, there’s a part of me who loves and walks out forgiveness emulating Jesus, but I would rather start ripping out these venomous tongues!  Words are destructive and often leave emotional wounds and scars unhealed.

I may be a follower of Jesus Christ, but I battle my own insecurities and fears just like everyone else. And after what we’ve witnessed through these heinous shootings, we need to choke this hate line and exhibit self-control with L-O-V-E, God’s Great Love.

phonto-64

Life forces us to be many people with differing hats and images within seconds of each other.  Friends in need (homeless beloveds), incarcerated beloveds, along with you and I, we all have hurts, insecurities, brokenness and needs. We just react and respond to them differently.

I keep leaning into these beautiful words of Psalm 85:8.

“Now I’ll listen carefully for your voice
and wait to hear whatever you say.
Let me hear your promise of peace—
the message every one of your godly lovers longs to hear.
Don’t let us in our ignorance turn back from following you.”

Working with friends in need and the incarcerated and their families, one common denominator that is lacking is love and forgiveness; God’s Love, unconditional love. It is easy to hate and judge, especially after witnessing these deadly shootings, but feelings pushed down fester and will destroy.

Tragically, we’ve allowed our unhealed pain to turn into hate. Hurt people hurt others. Instead of communities with living, breathing people, we have become part of the problem hiding behind our screens. We are no longer a part of the solution.

Allowing pain to turn into hate, this great divide becomes a part of the problem and forfeits any solution.

Where’s the person to stand up and defend others when hateful words and evil actions are spoken of and acted out?

Where there are persistent hurts, evil will prevail.

I almost let paralyzing fear stop me from helping another in need yesterday. Our Lord loves it when we move out in faith. People need to encounter extensions of love and kindness being poured out.

Action helps change the impact on our futures, though.

How can we allow God to turn our emotional wounds into good like He promises in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it…”?

Our emotional wounds and bruises fall short in receiving help because only time and grace can process the pain.  Our bruises and pain take more than a quick click.

Blameless Being Understood

Emotional Hurts and Wounded Spirits

Looking back on some of my “most painful” life experiences, the sleepless nights, the tear-stained pillows, the anger and bitterness that developed because the people closest to me delivered nothing but betrayal and disappointment, and the torment in being abused and rejected, God’s Great Love came pouring out!

Our Beautiful Jesus always has a plan for redemption, but…

Amid my all-time lowest moments, and I’m talking crushed, shackled and bound, I’ve witnessed the miraculous power of healing, redemption, reconciliation and restoration. God uses both the good and the bad (Romans 8:28).

Without pain, there’s no healing. Without imprisonment, redemption couldn’t be experienced. If there’s no estrangement, then reconciliation isn’t possible. And without destruction, there’s no need for restoration.

Experiencing this blossoming, this growth, that constructs the very core of who we are and created to become is miraculous.

We just can’t allow ourselves to be defined through this prison of pain.

We Are The Product Of Every Decision

Every day of our lives, we get the opportunity to respond to everything that crosses our path. By remembering that Someone (God) believes we are good enough in their eyes and that we don’t have to measure up to anyone to be loved should usher us into confidence. There’s nothing we can do to be loved more or loved less. It’s a gift to just receive.

Being utilized as a bridge that meets others in their struggles and a source of support and encouragement for building community is a part of the solution. Everything we do today matters. Our impact matters. It effects today and our future.

Seeking to understand others before seeking to be understood will help terminate hate. Let’s be proactive parts to the solution. Forgiveness is a great decision that leads to love!

Blameless Bridge Between Past and Future

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!