Tag Archives: #Godslove

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I stood there shocked in disbelief. Every single one of the doctor’s words spoken were unintelligible, framed in slow-motioned lip slices to this mama’s hemorrhaging heart.

When our world turns upside down AND implodes!

Hearing tragic news literally jolts your world. It scars and cuts like a knife. It shakes and rocks your world more violent than a 7.5 earthquake.

The doctor’s rushed encounter causes sheer terror. Extreme panic and shock sets in. Only divine and supernatural intervention can restore.

Your hands cup the disbelief along with salty tears released from the ducts of Hoover Dam. You collapse to the ground because your weight becomes too much to bear by yourself. 

As your body folds onto the cold cement floor of the E.R. doorway, your focus zooms to the feet scurrying by and the relentless, torturing, alarm sounds going off from medical devices sustaining lives triggering major PTSD.

Code Blue, Room 2!

The coolness from the floor can’t compete with what’s burning through your heart and mind.  The branding sears, “Code Blue, Room 2; Code Blue, Room 2.”

My mind races back 25 years as I cradle this beautiful blue-eyed baby boy with the sweetest white hair that I spiked up like Bart Simpson.

The joy this mama’s heart pondered hearing what a beautiful baby he was from those passing by; though their initial reactions were that he was a girl because he was such a beautiful porcelain-skinned doll. It didn’t matter, he was my beautiful baby.  He was God’s medical miracle.

Cradling him back and forth became a coping mechanism that would offer him comfort throughout his life.

Setting them free…

My beautiful blessings

Miracles…

I wish I could go back and hold him forever as I squish and caress his porky feet.

Only us mamas can appreciate our infatuations with our children’s feet.

Dislike feet?  Stinky and gross?

Me, too.  That is, until I gave birth to my children.

Suddenly two feet layered in Red Wings and blue slip covers slide into my uncharted pool of tears. I’m agitated because they’re occupying my “personal space,” even though I lay dormant on the hospital’s floor. 

After hearing repeated “Ma’ams,” this fully bearded, piercing dark eyes and haired man wearing a white kippah squats down and squares me right in the face. His lips begin to move, but I can no longer make sense of anything after the explosion of tragedy hit my brain.

I laid there comatose until his physical touch stroking my hair away from my face did my senses start to re-emerge.

He offers to help me up, but due to the paralysis from all the fear and dread and the lack of courage to face reality, he scoops me up into his arms instead and pulls me out of the deadly traffic jam in front of Trauma Room 2.

No sooner than hearing the beat of another’s heart, my eyes fell laser-focused onto the huge lifeless squishy feet hanging over the hospital gurney as many doctors and nurses were performing CPR, inserting tubes and IV’s into my lifeless blue son.

The adrenaline from the broken heart leaped me out of the chaplain’s arms and off the floor as loud battle cries from heaven wailed, causing the medical team to pull the curtain closed.

The chaplain catches me again, pulling me away from the room.

When your visualization is a lifeless baby boy, who may be 6’5″, but who is blue and not responding to medical attention being rendered, your eyes and mind focus intuitively on what’s outside the drawn curtain for survival. 

You frame each second onto the surroundings; his blood on the floor, the fluid bags and needle wrappings and the horrible sounds coming from the trauma team who is now holding your baby boy as long as it takes.

God’s Great Love reaches down to hold me tight through this amazing Jewish Chaplain named Joe. God comforts me through Joe saying, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes” along with scripture from Deuteronomy 31:6:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

God was faithful in sustaining me. His words are branded forever in my heart and mind, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes.”

And through a life that’s cleaved to those beautiful words, even when there hasn’t been an expected and good ending, I trust my Father God to pick me up and carry me through every tragedy and loss that comes my way.

As far as this 6’5″ baby boy, his striking blue eyes still pierce this mama’s heart with love and strong, yet tender, hugs. This day ended well!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

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Truth or Dare?

Blameless Love 3

Who Holds The Key To Your Love Lock?

He Dared…

I Wanted Truth!

He never even looked twice…

We’ve all been weakened by incoming kryptonite (hotness) when our desire and need to be loved is so intense, it clouds, distorts and even destroys what love actually looks like.

We become delusional, even fanatical, of what Love really is. Our actions start mirroring conduct similar to the Energizer bunny demanding “Love me, love me, love me” right into the sunset.

Can I hear awkward?

We become so desperate for love, that we get right in its face and proclaim, “What about me? I need to be seen, to be desired, TO BE LOVED!”

To Be or Not To Be?

To be or not to be, that is the question.  Literally!

Is love a feeling or an action?

Selfish, worldly love says love is a feeling (fleeting), not a selfless act.  In truth, love is a decision/choice to act.

We Get To Love…

God gave, and gave so freely (John 3:16).

What happens when Romeo is on the horizon and you have lived in your head for so long watching “your script,” that the frames of reality don’t match up with the projection you see?

Here your moment finally shines TO BE, but you blind him with all your preconceived fanatics as to how love is supposed to be. 

That delectable fantasy where you’re expecting to be seen, to be embraced, to be swept literally off of your feet as you’re twirled about and kissed passionately being ever-so-desired is nowhere to be found!

That’s when he runs right past you without even as much as a hint of a raised eyebrow or the infamous nod saying, “What’s up?”

Hello!!!  Can I hear Rejection for our Protection?

The bulk of our sulk engages in a pity party for ONE!  No one is invited to be a part of our drunk and funk wrapped tightly around our gallon of Haagen-Dazs ice cream and Butterfinger shavings. That’s a Blizzard, baby!

Then regurgitated liquid pain announces its arrival between spilled over salty tears from chasers of Tequila (To-Kill-Ya) and the crime of the lime removing all blinders and resounding reminders of…

…we are loved more than we will ever know by Someone who died to know us (paraphrasing Romans 5:8).

I have hung a love lock or two in my lifetime, but only one remains. Knowing that someone was willing to die JUST TO KNOW ME, well, that is the one Who holds my heart key and where my heart is devoted. The One who will never LEAVE ME nor FORSAKE ME!

Blameless Locked Up Heart

Love is always flowing and always changing!

Love is an action.  It affords us with a choice.  Since it’s fluid, we get to make the decision to love and to receive.  Love is “TO BE” that love.  To be requires action with a decision.  We have the choice to act and to receive.

Dare…

To Be The Love!

When love is to be, love will never fail!  I dare you to LOVE!  Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy. Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its way and forgives (so hard!). Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends (1 Corinthians 13:1-8).

Have we romanticized love so much that we forgot love is an action and not a feeling?

Love is “To Be” that Love

When I start demanding I need to be loved, that is my trigger screaming I am lacking intimacy with my Lord. God designed us to be loved, but primarily by Him meeting our every need first.  

We are much better spouses, present and available friends when we know and walk in His Great Love. We’re less needy, selfish and demanding…

When You Need To Be Loved

I’m the first to admit that I’m needy for love; God’s love! I need to hide myself in my Lord’s Love often so my love tank can be full.

After all, like Augustine said, “God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” Now, that’s the liquid courage and LOVE needed for every day!

Blameless Animated Heart

When I’m falling into the pits of depression, discouragement and doubt, I go to passages and pray them out loud… “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul” (Psalm 143:8).

Knowing I am loved by someone who died to know “just me,” what a shot of confidence and boost of courage to face each and every day.

We get to be loved!

 

 

Next time you need “To Be Loved,” be that love first!

Until next time…

Blameless Flower 6.6

Come and See…

 

33576396_1630331057083782_6707623216992485376_nBlameless A Beautiful You

A Beautiful You…

God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).

†††

For all of my amazing homeless beloveds I call family!  I started Blameless and Forever Free Ministries A Beautiful Youevent to engage with you while pouring out love through food and the instruction flowing from the Word of God.  After all, that’s what my nonprofit organization stands for, being God’s hands and feet because I have personally encountered and witnessed how His Great Love Changes Everything!

As I preached rather fervently a few weeks ago, Blameless was organized so you could see for yourself what God can do. Up until this point, you’ve seen what only you can do. John 1:39 tells us “to come and see.”  And since God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20), it’s time to claim His promises.

So…  I love you more than you will ever imagine. But it’s time you guys remove your veils of shame, own up to your own bad behaviors and decisions, and take a leap of faith to see what all God can and will do. There are many excuses being made which I am now holding you accountable for.

Carl’s Jr. is hiring on Douglas and Sierra College Blvd. You are allowed to have felonies on your record. All shifts are available, along with job titles of cashier and cook. I personally spoke with the assistant manager and he gave me applications. I will have them Wednesday for you, but hopefully you’ll move on your own accord beforehand.

Carl’s Jr. is hiring. Domino’s Pizza is hiring. PetsMart is hiring. Chick ‘fil A is hiring. WalMart is hiring. Bev ‘n Mo is hiring. Sprouts Grocery is hiring. In ‘N Out Burger is hiring starting with high pay. Just a few places I encountered today running errands and being with clients. My eyes were opened to many job opportunities.

Not being able to take a shower before an interview is no longer an excuse. I will get you to a shower, even if it has to be using my own club house’s pool shower. You can shower with a bathing suit or shorts on. I will make arrangements to get you showered. I have told a few of you I will drive you personally to the interview itself. That offer still stands.

Let’s get moving. It’s up to you now what you do with the tools and gifts God has given you as you take a leap of faith towards blessings. Embrace it and move forward! God has delivered other homeless beloveds into their own homes. You can read about one such beloved who moved into his own home named Trev here.

I will see you Wednesday evening at our A Beautiful You event in Roseville. Please spread the word to come because I have an important announcement that I am making. McDonald’s is graciously donating dinner for you guys along with dessert from Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. See you then.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being…

Blameless A Beautiful You Event

Spreading Seeds Of Love…

Blameless Hands Open Field

Spreading Seeds of Love!

Seeds direct us toward an area where we can cultivate what God has planted down deep inside of us.

Blameless Spreading Seeds of Love 3

Spreading Seeds of Love!

It’s harvest time. We will never know how far our seeds of love and commitment will reach or what it will look like until we plant it and watch it grow.

We all have dormant seeds laying inside of us. Lord knows, I had no idea that at my golden age, I could possibly have anything left laying dormant inside of me. Boy, was I wrong!

Breaking Free Announces Me!

Sweet friend, I don’t know about you, but I was tired of living my life being told what I can’t be while living another person’s dream.

Breaking free from all the weeds that were threatening to choke the very life out of me all due to fears and insecurities is empowering and full of rewards. I stopped believing the lies of the enemy that told me what I could or could not be.

We don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to experience what the kingdom of God is like and the power available to us this side of heaven. After all, Jesus brought heaven down for us. 

The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field (Matthew 13:24-43). The kingdom has small beginnings, like our seeds of love, but it will grow and produce amazing results.

Sowing seeds of love will eventually be reaped. We can never grow weary of that promise.

Now this rejuvenated and confident beloved is living each moment who God designed me to be. 

What a treasured daughter I am! And I’m so loved, even valued, just the way I am…

When we get in the right atmosphere and spread seeds of His Great Love, we start turning into powerful and magnetic beloveds no one has ever seen before. Especially ourselves!

Getting stuck in performance and doing what others expect because that is the ruling “condition” upon being loved is suffocating. But once we’re awakened to who God says we are and were created to be, mastering the unforced rhythms of grace is easy-breezy.

Say goodbye to the old people-pleasing trait, you know, the exhausted performance-driven beloved. You are enough, just the way you are!

Time to embrace the treasure that’s been buried deep below every shovel full of shame and insecurities fearing that the beautiful you was not enough.

You. Are. Enough. And. Highly. Prized.

We never find out who we are because we’re so busy living someone else’s dream!

Blameless Light Of Your Love

Arise and shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you (Isaiah 60:1). It’s time to cultivate. It’s time to harvest. It’s time we believe and live out the truths that dreams can and do come true.

Spreading seeds of love directs us toward an area where we can cultivate and harvest what God has planted deep inside of us.

Blameless Luke 24.5.6

How many times can you say you found love out in the open field? 

Until next time… 

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

 

A Beautiful You…

Blameless A Beautiful You Event

A Beautiful You

Event Coming Soon!

Blameless and Forever Free Ministries is excited to announce A Beautiful You event every Wednesday, starting Wednesday, March 28, 2018, from 5:00 to 7:30 p.m., at Royer Park, 190 Park Drive in Roseville, California.

Because Blameless believes God’s Love changes everything, with the 28% increase in homelessness for Placer County alone, predominantly in Roseville, a whole lot of His Love is needed.

Since Blameless loves being God’s hands and feet, we will be serving the homeless with food for their hearts, soul, body and minds, while fulfilling their request for church also. So come on out and join us celebrating the love of Christ and each member of His Body!

Better yet, if you would like to volunteer and help serve being God’s hands and feet by loving on the homeless, fill their plates with food and radiate sunshine, have great vocals and/or can play an instrument, we would love to be blessed with your gifts. Just show up! The more the merrier!
Looking for new friendships? There’s never been a better way to meet amazing people than getting to know others who serve the homeless. Talk about beautiful beloveds with hearts full of hidden treasures. That’s the best fuel for friendships (BFF)…
If you have any questions or need more information about events, you can visit Blamelessandforeverfreeministries.org or you may contact Tammy Ingram at blamelessandforeverfree@gmail.com.

I can’t change you and you can’t change me, but together we can work to change the world. ~ Vironika Tugaleva

Celebrating one life at a time! Together we can and W.I.L.L. do amazing things, because God’s Great Love changes everything.

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Logo 2

Be The Change You Wish…

 Be The Change You Wish…

…To See In The World!

I sigh heavily being disarmed in the face of accountability. Crocodile tears stream down my cheeks. It’s hard to prioritize during change. My frustrations are better kept under lock and key, similar to my writings called Leftovers of Love and Insecure-Gram. These are posts written in their most vulnerable and rawest state, but have been concealed due to judgment. One hundred and ninety-five of them to be exact, awaiting the final editing when courage arises.

When I get a thought that lingers in my mind and starts to torment, making me uncomfortable, the old me would go smoke a cigarette and have a cocktail to diffuse whatever was taunting me. Now I just open my Bible or laptop and start typing.

What pours out of my heart unhindered is liberating. Most of the time, it’s full of rawness and pain. This complete exposure is hard to share because it ushers in judgment and ridicule from others instead of support while being transparent.

Why do we do that?

I’m still shackled with remnants of the funky flu, along with a compromised immune system. Oh, I may smile energetically while praising my Lord because that is where my heart and life resides, but it does not mean behind that joyful exterior is no suffering.

The pain I encounter every step of the way resembles more of an electrifying jolt striking every joint, nerve and blood vessel in my body.

The words that flow from my mouth are no longer eloquent. They are often jumbled and make absolutely no sense. I may laugh nervously because I’m scared about losing my capability to engage and function with vitality like I am accustomed to.

Frustration makes me want to run, hide and cry! I attempt to shrug it off like it’s nothing, honestly. Mainly exhaustion. Here my body is shutting down and I do not know how to slow down and practice self-compassion. Frowning and drowning in my tears is not a solution here when others are suffering.

I’m just trying to be the change I wish to see in the world.

This can be a heavy burden at times, especially when you don’t feel good.

Please pray for me…

Where is all of this coming from?

I have this passionate pursuit to make a difference in our world called leaving a legacy of love.

With epidemics of war, homelessness and disease, how does one start utilizing their depleted time in being a part of the solution, especially when we’re not healthy?

Do I spend time watching TV, checking social media or serving real life human needs?

Hello…

I strive and thrive to be the hands and feet of God which makes me alive. That’s why I’m developing a nonprofit organization; to embrace God’s grace! Oftentimes this passion comes at a great cost and pain that I don’t share with the world.

Just because I don’t wail out relentless complaints does not mean I’m not hurting. It just means I’m applying that energy to making a difference and not focusing on my indiscretions and discouragements.

Blameless Homeless 2

My heart has been heavy since my beautiful girlfriend knocked on my door unexpectedly with concerns. Her beautiful care package was filled with goodies and her precious time was invaluable in sharing her heart regarding my overwhelmed schedule.

Respecting and valuing my beliefs that life is about bringing love to others, whether it’s through time, service and/or relationships, this kindness and generosity extended spills over into all of our relationships when they’re chaperoned by our words and actions.

What a beautiful legacy than to have a life characterized by love and kindness!

Her words stung when confronting me about prioritizing and obedience. Not wanting to admit I’m suffering and slowing down is only exacerbating matters. All because of pride, perfectionism and deep love.

She shared, “I have been watching you. I do not understand why a woman who is ailing continues to present herself to a world in such a relentless manner while suffering more than those she is trying to love on and care for.”

Why would anyone give up the comforts of an accomplished life in order to live, love and serve those who have been rejected?

Please forgive me for my shallowness and deceit in leading you to believe that I live a pain-free life. I never meant to present myself with imagery that was anything but brutally honest. It’s just called walking through each day with F-A-I-T-H, knowing God has my back and that this shall soon pass!

I get this emotional and spiritual charge out of helping and loving others, especially the homeless and rejected. Talk about rejuvenation through release.

May I share something?

This is just a glimpse of what we encounter. This is our reality…

Blameless Gigi 2.24.18

Let me introduce you to Gigi. Gigi is that beautiful heap of skin and bones consisting of 83 pounds laying underneath those two blankets in 27-degree weather. She’s literally laying on the freezing cold cement sidewalk in the worst possible area of Sacramento.

Once our worship music started, she came to life. Heaven opens those pearly gates once Stacia starts singing and we loudly proclaim God’s Love through time, engagement, comfort, food and prayers.

One life at a time…

Since Jesus refuses to relent, shouldn’t we?

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

A Girl Becomes A Woman…

A Girl Becomes A Woman When She Learns To Love HERSELF More Than She Loves A Man!

Words filled with hate and torturing venom penetrate into the girl’s heart and soul. The beautiful beloved gasps for air as she digests and searches for comfort between her regurgitated fears and her tear-stained cheeks flaming with humiliation.

She ponders her worth and self-esteem after every assault and affair. “I’m not enough! I don’t belong here. I’m a failure. Why won’t he love me?”

I picked up and allowed bad behaviors to infect and direct my life while learning coping mechanisms that provided nothing besides locking myself up in my own self-constructed cell of hell. I employed protection from the hard hats; construction crews of fear. This crew of fear built barriers around my heart that further wrapped me in emotional isolation and insecurities.

My choices reflected my fears, not my hopes!

That was before I knew God…

I never understood self-love and what self-compassion entailed. I lived out learned behaviors that dictated even if both of my legs were broken (or back), I kept going. No healing going on here…

Fake it until you make it, baby!

Blameless Woman Who Walks With The Lord 2

Confidence is Silent. Insecurities are Loud!

The enemy uses whatever weakness and temptation he can to derail us. When insecurities are loud, we become easily depressed and discouraged. Talk about distraction at its finest.

We even desire to live out Nelson Mandela’s wisdom, “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

But how do we live that out?

Sadly, a majority of my choices in the past reflected my fears and not my hopes. Had I only known that in order to be a woman, I had to learn to love myself first. And that required knowing who God said I was.

God teaches us magnificently who we are and how to love a man; and others, for that matter.

Blameless Dressed In Confidence

God’s Beautiful Beloveds dress themselves in confidence every day. They refuse to wear another’s insecurities!

I grow weary of wearing other people’s insecurities. Don’t you?

Their insecurities don’t fit. They’re either too restrictive, too heavy, expose way too much or uncomfortable! They itch, they inflame, and they inject pain in each layer. Plus talk about heavy baggage!

Time to dress myself in confidence instead. Confidence fits. It’s lighter. Confidence compliments and enhances our beauty!

What a concept!

Hello…

I love confidence… the way it feels… the comfort… the ease… and how it radiates and enhances who I am! It makes me feel…

B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l!

“A girl becomes a woman when she learns to love herself more than she loves a man” does not mean that we teach our daughters and granddaughters to be selfish Brides of Frankenstein. 

Or wait…

Isn’t that called a Bridezilla?

Blameless Mirror Fright

I’ll say it, sometimes the reflection scares the ugly right out of me…

God Is Our First Love!

If we learn to put the Lord first, we will be able to love ourselves and others. We will learn how to set boundaries through communication and confidence. We won’t be easily angered. We will be patient and kind. Not rude. We will keep no record of wrongs…

Hello…

Do I hear forgiving?

We will also know to run to our Papa God when our love tanks are low in order to get fueled up.

You know, when PMS strikes or those hot flashes are no match for those crocodile tears and manic ricocheting daggers because of our lack of hormones and escalated emotional needs!!!

Run…

Quick!!!

Embracing Jesus to fill up our love tanks, He reminds us of our worth and value. Then we’re able to love others and not be needy beloveds.

There’s nothing more frightening than a needy beloved!

Before Christ, I ran after unhealthy relationships. I was so busy allowing people to assault and abuse me, being controlled by their dangling of performance-based love and manipulation, I became an angry doormat instead of a confident beloved.

There was never any time or ROOM for healthy relationships. I was too busy covering up and sweeping other people’s junk underneath the rug instead of exposing it and walking away, while hiding underneath my veil of shame.

When you don’t know what real love is like, you become desperate for any sort of attention and affection, negative or otherwise! Love isn’t supposed to hurt! But… loving a girl who hasn’t learned to love herself first is one of the hardest things to do!

Blameless Bride Loves Herself

Human love is considered an intimate affair. Beautifully so. Song of Songs 8:6-7 relates love as strong as death and jealousy (passion) as intense as the grave.

Song of Songs 8:6-7 (NIV)

6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one’s house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

Being God’s treasured daughter affords self-love and self-compassion. Us girls need to learn to love ourselves first before we can possibly love another man. In order to love ourselves, we need to experience daily the love of our Father and that requires engaging in a relationship with Him. What a beautiful endearment!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!