Understanding Life’s Journey…

Blameless Chloe

The Big Picture…

Pure Beauty!

Many of you have asked why and how I organized and developed the qualifying criteria for the board of directors of Blameless, my charitable nonprofit 501(c)(3) corporation. Besides a calling, we may not always understand the ways of our Lord.

I sure didn’t understand the big picture seven years ago why, being a chaplain, the Lord was asking me to work with the youth ministry at Bridgeway Christian Church along with pursuing my degrees.  Thankfully I was obedient working with FUEL.

While working with the sophomore girls, I met this beautiful beloved whom I bonded to instantly named Miss Chloe Long.  She had just come back to youth group that evening after a long absence. The Lord asked me to pull her aside and see if she would share her story with me.  We connected.

Precious Chloe and I get each other.  We are mirror images.  We’re embracing our imperfections and painful journeys as something that God has allowed in order to awaken and arouse the beautiful beloveds we are underneath all the layers of heartache and projected images.  We’re no longer bound by this power controlling our lives, telling us we have to look, act or be a certain way in order to be seen, belong, loved and accepted.

We are prayerfully living and practicing each day recognizing that we do not have to conform or perform to others’ expectations in order to be loved.  Accepting we will make mistakes as no one is perfect, we are walking out our faith and lives acknowledging the royal blood running through our veins as we are God’s treasured daughters that He loves and even designed in His likeness.

Oh, if we all would only quit running from our imperfections and embrace our uniqueness!

We’re choosing to embrace and celebrate who we are.  We refuse to waste another precious minute going through life feeling like we’re all alone in our messes and that we rebuke the lies of the enemy telling us we don’t belong or are not good enough.

We believe you’re strong, authentic and courageous if you step out and share your life with others; that creates intimacy we all crave.  Through every word shared and tear shed, you’re relinquishing the power it has over you and you’re helping others to do so also.  Fear locks us in from the inside.  You’re only weak if you hide behind your veils of shame and stay shackled to your thoughts in your cells of hell.  We are loved just the way we are.

Be encouraged by reading Chloe’s unedited testimony and biography for Blameless.  Be drawn into her rawness, her candor and transparency.  You will see why this petite powerhouse is a valuable asset and integral force for Blameless and Forever Free Ministries and why she holds the officer position of secretary for the board of directors.

Her heart is not in serving for her own glory and magnification.  She is a board member and team member because she’s advocating for the lives of precious children and the youth while running after God’s own heart.  She wants to share what Jesus has done for her personally in order to help and build others up!

Chloe’s life and testimony is proof how God is constantly working behind the scenes preparing the way for our future challenges and life’s blessings. 

When certain scenes of our stories are painful, our faith encourages us to walk with God through this frame knowing it’s just a part of a bigger picture ahead.  Every day is but one frame of a million frames revealing a grander picture.  This leading enables us to walk in power and freedom that could never have been imagined or realized.  God is indeed omniscient.
Blameless Courage Over Comfort

 

Meet Miss Chloe Long…

 

Blameless Chloe

 

Pure Beauty!

Hello there! My name is Chloe Long and I am 21 years old. I am a lover of cats, pizza, movies, books, and most of all, helping others.

Now if you quickly scroll right now, you’re probably going to sigh and say this is too much to read and believe me I feel the same! Hahaha. So in a nutshell here’s my story: Lived in a Christian household but didn’t understand or recognize what God’s love meant for me till I was in my mid teens. God has helped me overcome anorexia, body dysmorphia, depression, anxiety, getting out of an abusive relationship, and is currently helping me with my family situation. He has helped me through speaking to me through mentors I’ve had over the years, including the wonderful Miss Tammy, friends, and even therapists, which inspired me to one day become a Child Psychologist, to be the help I need when I was younger. I have learned that God works on his own time and that makes me frustrated at times (a lot of the time actually), but I know it’s good thing because His way is always better than any other way I could possibly imagine. The Bible verse Isaiah 61:1-2 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,to comfort all who mourn,” has been placed on my heart to be a kind person to everyone no matter their status, race, beliefs, sexual orientation/gender identity, etc. and with it has brought me all of the various careers I have at this moment starting as a secretary for Blameless, a youth counselor at a foster home, a behavior technician for an ABA therapy company (helping children who have autism), and being a child care provider. I have a heart to help others and feel especially drawn towards youth and I can’t wait to see where God will take me next.

Now if that intrigued you to read a more in-depth testimony, keep reading. If you’re done, well let me just say that I welcome ya to our organization and hope that you’ll feel as drawn to helping others as we do!

Although I may be a very young woman in my 20s, it feels as though I’ve lived a very long life with everything God has done to bring me on this path of being called to help others.

I’ll admit that I have lived a very privileged life by being raised in a middle class suburb and never having to face any economic hardships of my own, so when I say that “growing up was tough,” I’m not considering the obvious privileges that I had. I say it because the unconditional love that’s needed in fulfilling healthy family relationships was lacking in my household.

Since my parents were considerably older than the parents of my friends, they raised me with lessons from when they were young, which brought up a bit of outdated values. A main one that unfortunately brought some damage onto me was that I (a young female) was put here to satisfy a man and that I would not be valued unless a man was by my side. I looked at myself and thought that I was worthless unless I had someone. It didn’t help that I was encouraged to lose weight since that would make me more desirable. A dark era occurred where I would try not to eat (purge if I did), eventually become so depressed that I would stay in bed for days, and never stop comparing myself to others; I was only 13. I eventually gained a boyfriend, but nothing good came of it. I was introduced to a whole new world of sexual gratification, but I knew deep down I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t comfortable with it either.

When I was sexually assaulted, that’s when thoughts of “this is what you deserve… this is your future…” plagued my mind and I felt trapped. It went on for three years because I was desperate to be valued; I thought this was my only option. My anorexia worsened and it got to a point that after my 15th birthday, I landed in the hospital because my organs were shutting down and I also had a pregnancy scare; not ideal for your 15th birthday I might add. It was there in that hospital bed, with an IV in both arms, that I started crying and wondering why did things get this far and feeling absolutely devastated that no matter how much I would message my boyfriend (at that time), he never once responded to me being in the hospital. I was furious, sorrowful, and numb all at once and I asked God why.

I remember eventually getting a gut feeling saying that now is the time to start over and that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t really know if God was truly real or not before then, but after that feeling, I knew what my new answer would be.

I was raised in a Christian household but I didn’t know what that meant till I was older, even after my hospital experience. I never knew that God loved me just the way I was until I was in my adolescence, despite going to church all of my life. It made me realize that saying you’re a Christian and living like a Christian were two very different things. After my time in the hospital, the more I went to youth groups, summer camps, and other fellowship activities, the more I was able to experience unconditional love. I thought recommitting to God every chance I could would keep my bases covered and that now that I no longer feel depressed or actually feel comfortable eating, nothing could go wrong, right?

A dear friend of mine started cutting herself about a few months after I was better (note how I did not say healed; I believe God is STILL healing me even though it’s been 5+ years. Everyday is a battle). I immediately thought to myself about the miracle healings Jesus had done in the Bible, so I called up the prayer team at my church and scheduled a meeting after my youth group ended so I could bring my friend and that she would be healed radically. I prayed everyday until then because I thought that THAT would do the trick. I brought her in, some people prayed over her, and presto! Nothing changed. Instead I felt embarrassed and angry that nothing had happened. Though it did not happen immediately, this experience humbled me into realizing and remembering that God works on his own time and no matter how much I could hope or pray, nothing can change God’s plan. What did happen however was a bitter season which included me falling out of the church and falling back into my depression. I knew I needed help.
I eventually headed into therapy, thanks to my father and his access to healthcare. My mother adamantly told me that mental illnesses don’t exist and that if I was actively experiencing something of that nature that it’s my fault and it’s because I wasn’t close enough to God. Despite my mother’s comments, I knew this was the right thing to do. Therapy definitely helped me. It helped me understand that it was okay to be angry sometimes, that it was okay to cry it all out, that it was okay to not be perfect or in my case to not fit into my mother’s standards.

About a year later I stopped going into therapy because I thought I was okay and could fight my own battles. Boy oh boy was I wrong. What ultimately kept destroying me was this lesson about understanding that God knows better than I do. That his time and plans for me often look quite differently from mine. Through my abusive relationship, through my eating disorder, through my dear friend’s experience, through those that God had called to come home with Him and pass away from this planet, and through my newest challenge of living with an alcoholic brother who physically assaulted me and my parents who have become increasingly distant from the church, God knows what he’s doing even though some days I really question if He does.

This has brought me back to therapy and has humbled me yet again. It’s okay to ask for help and I am proud to call myself a mess. I am a work in progress, I am loved, and I am called to love others.

Through it all, I have come to understand that putting my complete faith and trust in God will not result in a walk in the park, more often than not a very bumpy ride, but still having the comfort that I’m not alone and that God still manages to answer our prayers gives me the courage to keep hanging on. Maybe it might not be in the way that we want, but God does hear and does answer.

Until next time…

Blameless Beautiful You

Advertisements

Rejection Is Merely A Redirection!

Blameless Grief Rose

God Selects What Man Rejects!

Are you feeling rejected? 

Maybe you’re being redirected!

We’ve all experienced rejection! Rejection often hurts like hell! Rejection develops insecurities leading to impurities. Impurities lead into isolation. Isolation leads to depression. Some of us even wallow in rejection and remain hollow. Some bolt and revolt.

But when was the last time we stopped long enough to realize that maybe, just maybe, this rejection we’re encountering is nothing short of God redirecting our lives?

Blameless Rejection

This Woman…

Has fought a thousand battles,

But is still standing…

Has cried a thousand tears. Probably closer to a million,

But is still smiling…

This Woman…

Has been broken and left unspoken…

Has been betrayed and left afraid…

Has been abandoned and left branded…

Has been orphaned and left without fortune…

Has been abused and bruised…

Has been rejected and redirected…

Blameless Crown 7

But This Woman…

Still walks proud while wearing her crown…

Insists on being different…

Laughs loud reaching into the clouds…

Lives without fear and loves to cheer…

Loves without doubt…

This woman is beautiful…

This woman is humble and ready to rumble…

This woman is courageous and it’s often contagious…

This woman is a treasure at every measure…

This Woman Is M-E!

Blameless Pointing Finger

Yes, Y-O-U…

♥♥♥

Blameless Crown Tiarra 7

Let your love for God change the world, but never let the world change your love for God!

Blameless Love The World With God's Love

Being Unique Doesn’t Stink!

Change takes Courage…

Courage over Comfort…

Courage breeds Confidence…

Confidence takes Chances…

Chances offer Celebrations…

Celebrations deliver Connection…

Connection contributes to Comfort!

Communities who connect, contribute and celebrate extend Comfort!

May we never forget that once upon a time what we once perceived as being rejected might very well have been God’s way for ushering change while grabbing us by the bit to redirect our stubborn fits!!!

Can I hear an Amen along with the ahem?

Take a moment, Treasured Beloved, to look into our Beautiful Jesus’ tear-stained face. In all your distress, He too was distressed. And in His Great Love and tender mercy, He redeemed you. Now that’s love worth receiving!

Until next time… 

Blameless Beautiful You

 

Truth or Dare?

He Dared…

Who Holds The Key To Your Love Lock?

I Wanted Truth!

He never even looked twice…

We’ve all been here. We see a hot guy coming and our desire and need to be loved is so strong, so intense, it overwhelms what love actually looks like. We become delusional, even fanatical, of what Love really is. Our actions start mirroring conduct more similar to the Energizer bunny that demands, “Love me, love me, love me.”

Can I hear awkward?

We become so desperate for love, that we get right in its face and proclaim, “What about me? I need to be acknowledged, to be seen, to be desired, TO BE LOVED! 

To Be or Not To Be?

To be or not to be, that is the question. Literally! Is love a feeling or action?

Our egotistical nature says love is a selfish feeling, not a selfless act. But in truth, love is a decision to act! God gave, so…

What happens when Romeo is on the horizon and you have lived in your head for so long watching “your script,” that the frames of reality don’t match up with the projection you see?

Here your moment finally shines TO BE, but you blind him with all your preconceived fanatics as to how love is supposed to be. That delectable fantasy where you’re expecting to be seen, to be embraced, to be swept literally off of your feet as you’re twirled about and kissed passionately being ever-so-desired is nowhere to be found.

That’s when he runs right past you without even as much as a hint of a raised eyebrow or the infamous nod saying, “What’s up?”

Can I hear Rejection with a capital R?

You sulk and pout as you engage in your pity party for ONE! No one is invited to be a part of your toddler tantrums and pathetic fits wrapped around your gallon of Haagen-Dazs ice cream and Butterfinger shavings. That’s a Blizzard, baby!

The punch-drunk slobbers from your chasers of To-Kill-Ya (Tequila) and lime along with your emotions to be loved glue your focus to Netflix’s marathon of High Fidelity, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, and finally in realizing, He’s Just Not That Into You! 

Suddenly the nausea from the Tequila and sugar fix regurgitates loud reminders of Truths. You wanted truth. This Truth will set you free:

You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you (paraphrasing Romans 5:8).

I have hung a love lock or two in my lifetime, but only one remains. Knowing that someone was willing to die JUST TO KNOW ME, well, that is the one Who holds my key and where my heart is devoted. The One who will never LEAVE ME nor FORSAKE ME!

If love is always flowing and always changing, how can it actually be locked?

Think about that, how can we lock up love if it is fluid; always flowing and changing?

We can’t…

Love is an action, not a feeling. Love is TO BE! TO BE that “love.” To be is an action.

When Love is to be, Love will never fail (1 Corinthians 13:8). Love never fails!

Blameless 1 Corinthians 13.13

Have we romanticized love so much in our egotistical society that we forgot love is an action and not a feeling?

Love is “To Be” that Love

When I start demanding I need to be loved, that is my trigger screaming I am lacking intimacy with my Lord. God designed us to be loved, but primarily by Him meeting our every need. We are much better spouses and friends when we know and walk in His Great Love.

When You Need To Be Loved

I’m the first to admit that I’m needy for love; God’s love! After all, you can’t become high maintenance without a need, right?

I need to hide myself in my Lord’s Love often so my love tank can be full. After all, like Augustine said, “God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” Now, that’s liquid courage and LOVE to start each day!

Blameless Love 4

Love is a hard thing to do. I lean into passages that remind me personally how loved I am that will hold me back from falling into the pits of depression, doubt and discouragement. And when others assault and reject, the words of Rick Warren remind me,God is love. He didn’t need us. But he wanted us. And that is the most amazing thing.

So I pray… “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul” (Psalm 143:8).

And since my faith tells me “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished” (Luke 1:45), I can embrace each day knowing I am loved more than I will ever know by someone who died to know “just me.” And that’s a shot of confidence and boost of courage to face each and every day.

 

 

Next time you need “To Be” loved, be that love!

Whenever we are feeling unloved, insecure, devalued or just don’t belong, we can remember to Whom we belong and Who died just to have a relationship with us. Jesus is the only Love worth searching for.

Until next time…

 

Blameless Flower 6.6

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next? Part 3

Blameless Live Laugh Love 1.1

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?

Part 3

Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children and live a life of love.   Ephesians 5:1-2 ~ Live, Laugh, Love

Today was the day I decided to take complete power back and away from my abusers by talking about it.  They no longer rule or have any power through their threats of shame over my heart.  I was hoping that the love found through healthy communication mirroring 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 in being patient and kind, keeping no record of wrongs while not being easily angered, would bring some sort of fresh resolution or even repentance through changed behavior, but…

Someone has to stop generational strongholds of abuse in order to bring justice.  That requires awareness of behaviors and COMMUNICATION as we faith the fear.  Investing precious time into our relationships not only shows love, but it also revives honor. 

This is why I love running to my Bible for guidance because I need calm over chaos.  I refuse to exist in that world anymore.  I want to be more like my loving Savior so I can learn to love better and forgive easier.  Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to be imitators of God, as dearly loved children and live a life of love.  I choose to live this way the best I can because Love sees through the lens of Truth!  I choose to live, laugh and love much while others live in rage and bitterness.

Being imitators of God that Ephesians 4:29-32 states is hard.  It means to try not letting any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths (especially when we’re upset), but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Discounting a person’s voice is not only disrespectful, but where’s the love in that? 

Communication takes at least two voices, right?  Well, unless you’re living in the wounded warrior world, that world-of-one torment that engages in battle with thyself and rips your opponent apart in your mind and exhausts you like any real battle would!  All that does is exposes our hearts by holding us captive inBlameless Bee Kind 1 our cells of hell filled with nothing but rage and bitterness.  No wonder we’re angry people.  It also prohibits us from being present because we’re always present in the wrong neighborhood.

I’ll share an excerpt of what my last wounded warrior world was like next time!  It’s sad, but we also have to laugh at times at how we destroy ourselves and waste valuable energy.  Here the honey bees with the stingers say, “If we’re going to die, we’re taking you down with us.”  Who needs the enemy’s affliction; we destroy ourselves by cultivating the hurt that is brewing inside our hearts.  We need to be kind to ourselves.

My speaking coach/mentor challenged me to narrow my writing and speaking skills towards the passion that ignites me to work tirelessly starting up my nonprofit organization, Blameless and Forever Free Ministries.  My heart’s desire and hope is to help meet the needs of those who are hurting by building a bridge between church and state for the oppressed.

Being a survivor myself saved by nothing short of grace after decades of torment, it took me awhile to understand why I have such a gift of love for all beloveds and why forgiveness comes easily.  When you have been hurt much and forgiven much by Love Himself, it makes it easy to pour love into others and situations that need a covering of peace and inspiration.  Plus, I don’t want anyone to suffer all alone because all lives matter!

I have watched far too many Beloveds try and go at it alone and all they are doing by being shackled to shame and guilt is refusing the power that is available to them:  Freedom!  God Blameless Freedom Found in Exposuredid not design us for isolation to hide when we’re embarrassed and humiliated, He designed us to need others and to be seen.  We need the power of our friends’ strength to encourage us to the finish line.  There is no shame in our game; Jesus is His name!

With this recent heartache of rejection and my failed attempts at reconciliation, the stinger was easily removed because I didn’t hide in isolation from this “supposed shame” being rejected and unloved; therefore, its infection was thwarted in spreading.  I knew I was loved by God and I needed the help of others to process sharing my heart or depression would have sunk in.  This vulnerability of exposure removed the stinger before it did more damage.  I bounced back rather quickly because my faith radiated who God says I am, along with walking alongside of girlfriends who helped open my eyes to see through the lens of Truth. 

Friendships pull stingers out and bring healing to the sting before its infection spreads through love and support.

I don’t know about you, but I can spend way too much energy judging myself more critically and harsher than any abuser while believing the lies of the enemy.  If only we could remember to spend our energy being the radiance of His Perfect Love!  God does promise us His blessings, but many of these gifts require our active obedience and participation.

This is where God unveils His destiny in bringing beauty from my ashes through His purpose and plan for my pain.  Now I get to love on others who are considered unlovable.  I get to be a voice for those who lost theirs through abuse and abandonment.  And now I’m honored to walk alongside of the masses who are walking through disease and death because I’ve walked victoriously through it myself.

Tasting and seeing the Lord is an invitation to experience the gift of His grace.  “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame” (Psalm 34:4-5).  Today I’m living in freedom and flying free of yesterday’s guilt, today’s fears, and tomorrow’s grave.  All because God loves me just the way I am.

There’s something about freedom…  The purity of the innocence in letting go and yet the boldness in knowing your life matters!  We all want to know our lives matter.

Until next time..

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless Freedom 2

Save

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next? Part 2

Blameless New Beginnings 1.1

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next? 

Part 2

Violence, pain and suffering is predominant in the world today.  Why do children hate their parents?  Why do parents slaughter, use as weapons of mass destruction, or even sell and reject their own children?  How do wars between brother against brother and sister against sister ignite?  Where’s the love?

Hurt People Hurt Others

Jesus came to redeem our hurts, our lives, our families, by and through His blood which cost God so much.  I don’t know about you, but I’m in need of His daily transfusion of blood to cleanse my own soul and wash away my sins.

Needed:  Daily Blood Transfusions

Sadly, the world is full of sick, evil and hurt people whose hurts have never been worked through along with mental illness that has been swept underneath the rug for generations.  Instead of being diagnosed and treated, it has advanced into a full-fledged epidemic. 

It’s tragic because there is no shame in having mental illness.  Anxiety, depression, addiction and eating disorders and rage are prevalent because they have been shamed for far too long.  This world may demand perfection, but as I say in my advocacy:

There is no shame in our game; Jesus is His name!

Being vulnerable where deep hurts are involved is more than uncomfortable, but I know there are many Beloveds who need to hear how God’s amazing grace sustained me so they can lean in and press through themselves.  It is hard when the world beats down on you Blameless Crown Tiarra 7making you feel insignificant and irrelevant, and you don’t know where to turn or even if you’re important enough to be seen or matter.  We all want to know we’re enough.

We can’t claim victory when we’re weaponless, have dull blades on our swords, so exhausted we can’t even see or think straight, not to mention when we’re starving and freezing cold.  This is where we get the option to either believe the lies of the enemy or allow God to pour out His Love into our depleted souls by tenderly affirming us.  The way He reaches down and coddles and comforts us next to His beating heart reassures us of our meaningful existence and His Great Love that is found in the beautiful pages of scripture.  I can’t advocate enough for the strength and peace received through peeling the pages of the Bible wide open.  Life literally pours out and ushers you into a relationship that offers freedom and acceptance!

When we’re wounded, even the slightest hiss will send us hiding!

God wants to wrap His everlasting arms around us tight until we slowly release our grip as we become aware and realize how loved and valued we are.  We are so cherished, God pursues our lives.  Us girls love to be pursued, don’t we?  I know I do!  He even serenades over us as He rejoices over our existence (Zephaniah 3:17).  I don’t know about you, but I have never been serenaded so the realization of this warms my tender heart and soul.

God designed us to need and be receptive to this kind of Great Love so we can realize where our worth and value derive from.  His Love is that good, fulfilling and rewarding.  And it never ceases.  There’s nothing we can do to lose His Love either.  For us Beloveds who have been rejected and abandoned, that is nourishment to feast on for our famished souls. 

Seeing ourselves from God’s perspective opens the pathway of our hearts and knocks down the barriers of pride that hinders our confidence.  This way we don’t have to stay hidden, humiliated and ashamed because we were rejected, in our protective shells.  We can stand tall, with feet fitted firmly in the ground, knowing our worth and value.

This is why I constantly share why I go to the Bible first when in distress.  The Word is alive and active.  When I’ve been attacked, forsaken and rejected, thrown out as discarded leftovers, my heart is shattered.  I need guidance, grace, and reassuring tender mercies of love and worth thatBlameless Hebrews 4.12 (2) will help remind me and give clarity to who God says I am.  That is why the Bible is so powerful.

We can’t lose sight of the fact that hurt people hurt others.  Victims of heinous behaviors would be repeating the same thing to others if we didn’t have this loving and powerful Word of God to equip us with the ability to withstand the flaming arrows of the enemy along with the ability to forgive.  This allows us to reach out with compassion to others.  We need to share our testimonies of strength and deliverance.  Hebrews 4:12-13 clears up any miscommunication about the benefits of the Bible:  “For the Word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”

Beautiful Beloved, being victims of another person’s pain confuses what true, healthy love and behaviors are.  Our worth and value comes from the Lord God Almighty, not anyone else!  This will help us understand why many of us feel unloved and unwanted.  We will do just about everything and anything to fulfill that void.  When others fail to meet our expectations and afflict pain onto our already tattered and fragile lives, we often look outside of ourselves for this very reason. 

God created us with unique qualities that NO ONE BESIDES US has, and without that quality, there would be no beauty in the bunch!  Please do not allow anyone to rob you of your gifts, beauty and talents.  The world needs you!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

 

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?

When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?

Part 1

I’ve been abused, abandoned and rejected.  Now what?  What does that say about me when others treat me as rubbish and waste?  We only discard filth, so does that mean I’m not worthy to be loved, honored and cherished?  Who discards their child with contempt anyways? 

Disclaimer:  This blog series for the next couple months may trigger some Beloveds that have been a victim of abuse.  Abuse and rejection are hard areas to heal.

Who wants to vocalize and admit they’re a victim of abuse, abandonment and rejection?   Not me, but it’s something we need to talk about and share with one another, so…

We all desire to be loved, accepted and belong.  I am no exception.  Admitting I was thrown out as waste and unwanted droppings automatically labeled me as a reject, unwanted, refused, loser, no value, screwed up, refund demanded!  What does that say Blameless Clearance Rack 3about me as a Beloved, my worth and value, and every decision I would make subsequently thereafter? 

When you’re not wanted and abandoned, that rejection tears right through your heart, mind, body and soul.  Plus, you don’t know how to love or be loved; instead you become one whom must perform to others’ expectations in order to be loved.  WRONG!

I’m glad I’m a Beloved who chases after my Lord, even though He never leaves our side.  Otherwise, I truly don’t know how I would have walked through such a lonely, hopeless and heartbreaking journey, much less become the bold and courageous Beloved I am today.  God turned my ashes into beauty.  I know I’m God’s treasured daughter who was once found at the bottom of the dump, but God meticulously cleaned me up and now I’m crowned skipping merrily in freedom, confidence and wholeness.  What a beautiful assurance of His Great Love.  That’s called a beautiful exchange!

As the torturing fire of acknowledgement burns the pit of my stomach as I write, my mouth regurgitates “I’ve been rejected, AGAIN!”  The reality of such an abominable tragedy to any child is overwhelming, but the power from the eruption of St. Tammy’s Emotions exposes an even deeper level of loss and insecurities.

I am so grateful the Lord didn’t consider me scraps that are thrown out to the pigs.  Instead He chooses to love, cherish and relentlessly pursue me so much that He even extended His loving arms down from heaven to protect me when I drove myself off that cliff 37 years ago and redeemed my life with His Great Love.

God doesn’t kick His children to the curb or throw them away like a piece of deplorable regret.  In fact, He calls His children His masterpieces and works of art!  His Love never ceases and He will never forsake us either.  There’s nothing we can do to lose that Love.

When We’re Considered A Piece of Deplorable Regret!

I am not the only person who’s been rejected and abused, much less abandoned.  My heart genuinely grieves for the Beloveds that have been violently tormented.  My teeth grit just thinking about the unconscionable behavior of others.  It’s hell that no one could even begin to understand unless you’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death yourself. 

Emotional trauma caused by those who profess to love you is the hardest journey to walk through victoriously.  It can cause other mental health issues such as depression, addiction, eating disorders, you name it, just to escape and numb the pain that afflicts the heart and mind.  I know, alcohol makes a great numbing agent, or did!

This is really hard for me to talk about.  Dealing with the tragedies of life and facing it head on is something that is outside of my comfort zone without Mr. Denial, but…

When one is discarded like rubbish, though, this torment leaves a permanent marking from the scorching cauterization of the branding iron.  This imprint of “rejected” forever tarnishes one’s worth and value tragically and effects behaviors regarding life, love and choices and decisions.  Even effects our relationship with God.

God is a God of love and mercy, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (Psalm 103:8) who never leaves our side.  I’ve been healed by the touch of God and now I understand why I passionately want to help the unlovable because all lives matter and deserve to be loved. 

One thing is absolutely certain besides my tangent:  No one is unlovable and removed from the touch of God!

My bestie lovingly reminded me of the worse offenders to help soothe the sting of my abuser’s manic explosion.  She shared, “Some moms sell their children as sex slaves for rent money and to satisfy their own drug fix.”

We are not the labels our offenders branded us with!

The greatest gift God gives us is family and friendships.  If we’ve been orphaned, God brings us friendships to fill those vacancies and walk alongside of us being the hands and feet of God, along with offering their precious hearts and time.  The love, hope and affirmations we receive from our relationships cultivate our beauty to bloom right where we’re planted.  That’s how we thrive and not just survive.  Investing precious time into our relationships not only shows love, but it also revives honor.

Because we are loved immeasurably more than we could ever imagine, the torturous time feeling invisible and insignificant, you know, overlooked because we are tossed out with the rest of the trash, God sees us.  He not only sees us, He is even proud to be seen with us and calls us the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8).  Blameless Crown Tiarra 7To know we are His prized possession and treasured Beloveds should empower us to walk bravely and take risks with confidence knowing He will never leave us. 

When only Love could make a way, being immersed in God’s mercy and love creates a wholeness and contentment of heart.  Knowing we are called His treasured daughters enables us to forgive our offenders.  People are full of pain and pride and sickness.  Shame cripples and shackles.  It’s a powerful membrane.  But we don’t have to stay entangled in the Black Widow’s web of destruction.

Honestly, even though I am at a great place in my life spiritually, professionally and emotionally, admitting that I’m orphaned and not wanted is a hard pill to swallow.  It’s hard to admit that.  It does leave a sense of loss to my heart, but I’ll allow this pain to help others.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless New Beginnings 1.1

 

When Words Pierce Our Armor And Hurt Like Hell

Blameless Prepared For Battle

When Words Pierce Our Armor And Hurt Like Hell

Are You Prepared For Battle?  The Enemy Is! 

Manic Explosion vs. Armor of God, Part One!

If recovering from a fierce infection that attacked the heart’s chamber with erratic arrhythmia wasn’t jolting enough, the deep lacerations from daggers of hate and rage that accompanied a manic explosion would.  Who plans an attack on others while they’re in the hospital?  The enemy does, especially when your relationship with Jesus exposes their lies.

Family and friends are usually a great source for consolation and encouragement during traumatic times, but words from a meticulously planned attack were intended to take me out.  Patients are vulnerable to many infections during hospitalizations.  When random attacks from a family member announced their concern by delivering calibrated electrical shocks more powerful than any defibrillator left me stunned and infected. 

The explosion of this manic shrapnel left me bewildered and injured.  The slamming words of hate and bitterness increased the pressure of infection that laid beneath the sutures holding the weak and tattered heart together.  Hurt people hurt people; we all know that.  But how does a beloved swim against the current in a raging storm when the flaming arrows of the enemy refuse to cease?

Why is it people use the word “love” as a means to exercise control and manipulation?  God calls love an action, not a feeling or means for abuse.  When people are trying to keep the fuel lines of anger going while we work ever so hard to bring peace and forgiveness, they become desperate and exaggerate our imperfections to keep the truth from being exposed.  But when the offensive armor of our sword is sharpened, the injury afflicted willBlameless Forgiveness Even When It Hurts sting, but life-giving courage offers us to see clearly through all the bloodshed, carnage and death.

Her words pierced as she vomited words of rejection.  Her own shame caused from humiliation that the exposure of truths and confrontation delivered left her pride to declare “Done.”  I was shocked that she would choose my second hospitalization to download her shame and guilt.  Maybe it’s because her absence is normally the rule and she needed justification, I don’t know.  This time something was different.  So different that even my own reaction shocked me.

I used to run after unhealthy love and relationships.  I would do anything (understatement, hello!) to receive this conditional love of abuse in order to be affirmed and belong.  Everyone wants to be acknowledged and loved, but that longing becomes intense when we’ve been orphaned.  The cravings can be insatious when we are depleted of the affections that the covering of love is supposed to offer.  Abandonment and rejection can lead us down a path that is dangerously unhealthy.

Even though I may be orphaned, the love of my good, good Father in heaven has adopted me and claimed me as His own.  He has poured so much love over and through my heart, soul, body and mind as He relentlessly pursues me, His love has captured me and brought healing.  My relationship with my daddy enables me to keep my sword sharpened so that when the enemy attacks at the most inopportune time, and we’re talking here about a slivering and sneaky enemy who moves about lurking for someone to ambush (like in the hospital), we can raise our shields of faith to withstand these flaming arrows.

Oh sure, the words stated hurt.  I cried a bit in the hospital in order to release enough of this toxicity from further damaging my heart, but between the love, touch and prayers offered from fabulous friends, I was able to keep self-controlled long enough until I got home.  Then once I got home, I cried me a Noah’s Flood as I tried to process and understand this affliction that erupted from an emotional plague.  Some things are better left unknown.

So what are we supposed to do when others have manic episodes exposing their true bleeding hearts?  Yes, we are to forgive them, no doubt; but how do we get to that point where we’re able to forgive?  That forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean we will continue to engage in a relationship with them, but how can we become free from the toxicity that was poured out?

For me, that required surrendered time in prayer while being immersed in God’s Word to understand this pain.  God blessed me with an amazing bestie who knows my heart and celebrates my life through the good, bad and ugly.  This allowed me to be vulnerable Blameless Crown Tiarra 7without fear of judgment in order to process through the pain while receiving comfort and peace. 

I didn’t have to spend weeks or even months reliving this trauma in trying to understand how cold and bitter another beloved’s heart was through hurtful words and why they were spewed out.  Trying to tarnish another beloved’s character only exposes your own depth of rage and bitterness.  That energy and focus stays on who God says I am, His Treasured Daughter.

Every day as I am overcoming, I am becoming more and more like Him.  Pain is inevitable, sadly.  I am learning to be true to myself, react with love and continue sojourning this side of heaven without the lingering effects of pain caused by others.

You see, I am trying to embrace the fact that I am a Beautiful Beloved chosen and pursued by the Lord God Almighty, just like you!  God is the one who holds the key to my heart.  Nobody can strip me of my identity and worth; not family or ex-husbands.  They didn’t give me my identity to begin with so why would anyone feel that they could actually take it away, especially through threat and coercion?  They may try as they are crafty, but the more I know and love my good, good father and the more I realize how much He truly loves me just the way I am, their daggers and threats cannot penetrate my armor.

Because we are loved by our amazing father, nobody can take away our acceptance.  Nobody can take away our love that is freely given.  Nobody can take away our identity.  Why?  Because it was never theirs to give us in the first place.  That love is given by our Lord and no one else.  That’s what He did for you and me.  We are unconditionally loved by Him.  That’s what He does, He gives.  He doesn’t demand we conform to His way or the highway, He loves us just the way we are!

You know, it’s not about what our family did or does, nor what our friends do or did.  We need to remember where to place our focus and receive our affections.  It’s about what God did for us.  If we can just remember that it’s about what God did for us, we won’t concentrate on the afflictions that others cast upon us.  We will live bravely knowing we are the Bride of Christ and have royal blood running through our veins while being unconditionally loved.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless Don't Leave Home Without It (3)1

 


 

How Does One Go From This To… Clearance Rack?

Blameless How Does One Go From This To...

How Does One Go From This To…

Clearance Rack?

When You’re Rejected, Returned, Refused & Recluse!

Rejected?  Returned?  Refused?  Now I’m going Recluse!  Or at least I want to.  I understand why so many tender hearts isolate and go at it alone.

Do you ever feel like the words and opinions of others portray a mental depiction that you thought was developed from your own insecurities being illuminated or hanging out in the wrong neighborhood again? 

Here you are, unbeknownst to you, an infamous motion picture star of a 3D finale.  You’re hanging on a clearance rack for all to see marked down.  Returned and Refused!  Examining you at every angle, nausea sets in due to the lingering stench of their dragon’s breath.  They’re that close.  It makes you want to projectile for many reasons. 

After their relentless review of every imperfection at the cost of each bad angle and exaggeration, they chuckle while announcing the attached “clearance” price tag regarding your worth and value is now stamped “zilch.”  Rejection at her finest hour!

  Infamous Star of Rejection

Being considered “detestable” and “unloved” and “infamous” is a torturous form of rejection to be labeled.  These labels come in many forms, but it’s mainly developed through the words and lies of hurt beloveds who are threatened or want attention, fear being exposed, or even jealously.  They keep these fuel lines of anger, gossip and deceit going by tarnishing our character to make themselves feel better. 

Used Goods on the Clearance Rack

Buy me, buy me, buy me!!!  Sad pleas coming from a Beloved whose Jesus already paid a huge price for.  My redemption cost much.  When our motives are pure and we walk our faith, the flaming arrows from the enemy Blameless Clearance Rack 3are relentless.  Our mouths may be a small member of the body, but its destructive power will do more damage than any tsunami or even a nuclear war could afflict (James 3:5).  Those natural disasters have no power over what the destruction of the tongue can do.  The enemy uses this powerful member to divide and destroy one another by pitting us against each other.  Our tongues speak and spread division and destruction.  How can we celebrate each other when all we’re doing is competing and comparing and criticizing everyone offensively?

Let me share, Beautiful Beloved, when I was hurting due to the lies and actions from others, my Lord assured me that He hears, hurts and hates those words being stamped “no good.”  Our loving Father highlights Proverbs 6:16-19 announcing, “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him:  Haughty eyes (pride), a lying tongue (hello), hands that shed innocent blood (betrayal), a heart that devises wicked schemes (exaggeration of faults), feet that are quick to rush into evil (gossip mongers), a false witness who pours out lies (covering their assets), and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers (drama queen).”

After unleashing my Noah’s Flood into my bestie’s lap that nearly took her out due to the force of the download, did I again realize that women are ferociously catty and instead of Blameless CEOswanting to celebrate each other’s (CEOs) lives, they spend exhausting amounts of time criticizing each other while comparing each other all in the name of jealousy.  Here I’m trying to love and encourage them through support and they’re devising wicked schemes to take me down.  As much as it hurt, and trust me, it hurt and felt like hell unleashed on my heart similar to Edward Scissor Hands shredding it; that’s when the Lord reminded me, “Are you seeking the approval of man or me?”  

Praying for people who have slandered us and continue to spread lies is another form of persecution where the Lord wants us to walk through this darkness exhibiting and exposing His light through love.  This is where Tragedy Meets His Majesty revealing His magnetic glory. 

If only I can remember to count this friction as pure joy, it will strengthen me as I persevere and allow His magnetic glory to be clearly revealed (James 1:2).  The world first hated Jesus (John 15:18-25) and I am a part of His Army of Hope, so…

I’m being honest here, sometimes it is hard to pour out love when others’ venomous tongues are sneaking around to kill, steal and destroy.  The pain afflicted by a few was intense.  It was pain that I hadn’t recognized in quite a while and didn’t know what to do with the infection from the venomous bite.

Processing this pain requires intimacy with the Father to unleash His fruit.  The fruit of the Spirit clearly announces what’s going on in our hearts and behind these poker faces, but it breaks my heart how we’re hurting my Lord by our hardened hearts and lack of relationship with Him.  We leave our Bibles unopened.  We just hang out in the four walls of our deception. 

Purification of our hearts are needed when we’re not walking out what we say we believe.  Congregations are not holding tanks or places to perform to gain worldly power and media prestige.  This burden of Godly anger is something I am finding hard to keep restrained.

Those stings of rejection that were repeatedly gnashing at my body and penetrating through my armor made me feel like I was being set up to be hung out to dry.  Here I was living out what Proverbs 31:8-9 says about “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy” and people reacted by attacking my loved one and spread lies about his precious life.

But…  I give you permission to continue to poke, prod and hang me out to dry as you continue to squeeze the life of Jesus out of me because its splashing will get on you and effect you.  That’s a sprinkling of His Love that goes deep into your soul and its fragrance is nothing but pure sweetness.

I choose to bear witness to my Jesus and love you.  I choose to forgive you.  I see how this school of pain has developed perseverance and character in me.  You may have “intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” through an explosion of pure magnetic glory (Genesis 50:20).  I rest my case!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Blameless Tragedy Meets His Majesty (2)

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: