Tag Archives: #shame

Threesomes Are Never Okay! Ask Hagar and Sarah!

Blameless Pulling A You

Shame Leaves You Feeling Utterly Alone and Forsaken!

Genesis 16

As the beautiful nurse attempted another I.V., she said, “Hey, you’re a chaplain, right?”  My reply, “Well, once a chaplain, always a chaplain, I guess,” not knowing where she was going. 

As she slammed the needle into my vein, she inquired rather nonchalantly, “It’s okay to give my man a threesome for his birthday, right?”

I nervously laughed and replied, “I know I’m a hard prick, but you almost made me pee my pants.” 

Then nothing but still silence

Can I hear awkward? 

It gets worse.

She wasn’t kidding either!

She continued, “I’m serious.  I mean, he’s my husband and in the old days men had many wives.  I’m kind of bi-curious anyways, so…”


I looked both ways, expecting my medical team to come out and scream, “Surprise!  You should have seen your face.”  They didn’t, and she was dead serious. 

God tells us to be ready and know what His Word says in and out of season, but this upset me.  Where’s our moral compass?  I’m trying not to judge here.

All I could do was grumble underneath my breath for God to give me “wisdom.” 

I shared how hard it was on me when my husband had numerous affairs and the damaging effects it had on our marriage and children along with sharing the lasting effects that the threesome related in Genesis 16 delivered. 

Threesomes are never okay.  Besides the obvious reasons, when a man is with another woman, a scornful woman generally retaliates!  You can’t run from the effects; just ask Hagar and Sarah.  It led to shame and feelings of despair for all parties, not to mention the cursing onto future generations!

Sarah’s friends got on the bandwagon by mocking Sarah for having a barren womb that was considered a disgrace in those days and encouraged her to fulfill this void, this “promised” descendant through another woman.  This lure prompted Sarah to take matters into her own hands and forego waiting on God’s timetable.  She reacted by seeking out another woman into her marriage bed.

Who needs friends like that???

As my friends know all too well, I may be wounded and joyful and can relate with the best because of it, but there are times that what flows out from my mouth needs some filtering, and in a girlie kind-of-silly way!  Just don’t let a tall, dark drink of water walk by.  I may be old, but I am far from dead!

Anyhoo…  Truth be told, with the selfish, spoiled brat side that is constantly at war with the loving and gracious side of me, I was at a loss for words.  Shock turned into embarrassment and then I became flustered which led me agitated with my medical team prompting my snap.

Do you get that way?  Please tell me you do.

As of late, with being overdue for my Florida vaycay that seems to constantly be pushed off, it appears I’m having more and more of those days where even the slightest squeak of a mouse sets me off. 

With my mind bouncing and spinning, spending way too much time occupying the wrong hood (bad neighborhood mindset), the exhaustion is setting in and the demands vying for my attention are making me feel more like I need an exorcism performed than the much-needed rest.

Normally I would scream and get on top of a chair when encountering the tiny varmint, but right now since I’m in THAT MOOD, I am ready to get down on my hands and knees and go whisker to whisker with these dirty little rats who appear to be having way too much fun!

Why when we get in a funk, in that lonesome place, where we hide underneath our covers or isolate behind closed doors engaging in our own pity parties, feeling like we’re not good enough or even loved, do we run away from our problems instead of facing them head on all because of Master Guilt and Shame?  We want to be validated, but…

Maybe it’s because we intervene and run ahead of God’s timetable like Sarah and Abraham because we’re such control freaks.  We forget to trust and call out to the One who knows exactly what we’re thinking (scary!) and loves us just the way we are and FORGIVES! 

We have a good, good Father; the One who loves us and promises never to leave or forsake us.  He cherishes us, even gets jealous for us as He chases us down just to pour love into our depleted and dry bones.  He understands our mistakes and needy minds that are in search of the Living One who sees us. 

Wanting a threesome is similar to what Hagar and Sarah did.  After the fact, their void and rushing ahead of God’s timetable turned into being ashamed, despised and rejected due to their actions while they both pointed the finger at others for the subsequent repercussions. 

Hagar ran away and hid while partaking in a pity party.  But God saw her and her pain and He received her.  The desperation in being a substitute wife; talk about shame!

We all run ahead and give up on God’s timetable from time to time when it doesn’t appear He is working or fast enough or when life seems dull.

If you think giving your husband over to another woman to conceive an heir is going to tap into God’s promises while proving your girlfriends wrong, you need a couple of Xanax and a couple of beers partying with the mice! 

Sarah strikes out and blames Abraham for succumbing to peer pressure and the subsequent mess instead of humbly accepting her involvement in prompting this mess.  She even proclaims, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering.  I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me” (Genesis 16:5). 

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Living With Addiction & Strongholds ~ Mother Of Magnificent ~ Day 26 of 40


Living With Addiction

Strongholds of Broken Behaviors

Mother of Magnificent

Day 26 of 40

Ticktock… ticktock… ticktock…  You know that relentless sound of time creating nuisance where you bury your head beneath the smothering pillow and the only thing it suffocates is your very own breath?  The sounds from the annoying clock marrying your erratic heartbeat threatens to blow out more than your eardrums.  You can’t breathe, you can’t sleep or think, and most of all, you can’t handle the noise or the speed of the world as it hones in for the kill!  How do we tell the world to stop existing and leave us alone as we grieve and process our own sorrows?

Death…  Death of Expectations…  Death of Identity…  Death of Perceptions…  D-E-A-T-H is really nothing more than the pathetic plea and damaging acronym I dared to reason with in what my family is experiencing right now:  Destruction Evolves Around The Hate!  Even the amazing Word of God briefly talks about the damaging effects of hate for good reason, not to mention why Love Himself might hate.  For an understanding on why “God hates,” check out Proverbs 6:16-19.

Hate to me is synonymous with death.  It destroys everyone in its path.  It causes bitterness and allows rage to take over and infect everyone in its tracks.  Hate bulldozes the strong like the plague.  Hate surfaces jealousy and insecurities.  It allows comparison.  It breeds division and promotes injustice.  Hate causes war!  The silent killer like cancer.  Hate oftentimes causes death without warning!

I don’t want to be that roaring lion shaking everything and everyone in a couple-mile radius.  I want to be that beautiful, loving lioness in the picture below who pulls others and her cubs out of trouble by releasing them where they should be; in their den (community) being loved on, close by and protected!  When this mama thinks of her cubs, though they’re grown men with their own families, I still lean on the fact that blameless-mamas-loveI’m a Mother of Mayhem, Mother of Memories, but mainly a Mother of Magnificent!  I have been blessed with strong, intelligent, and successful children that the Lord allowed me to be Manager of Many over.  But when that one extra-grace-required child finds himself in the misery of mayhem, the destruction and bite almost paralyzes this mama’s heart.  Can you relate? 

Nowadays, being honest here, I am experiencing the effects of being paralyzed with much fear and disbelief, and only functioning because of the grace and mercy of God who is the author and deliverer of this Mother of Magnificent’s cub.  This is helping me cling to His promises written in my love letter, the Holy Bible, stating He will never forsake or leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6-8), no matter what we’ve done!  The havoc from the breaking hearts doesn’t just exist within our own souls, but that connection we have with that cub; whether they’re fifty or ten!  It speaks to the very core of the lioness sitting back and letting her child make these mistakes with any and all subsequent repercussions in order to learn and grow from as others take charge of him.

Zach Williams’ song entitled “Chain Breaker” speaks to my heart and empowers me with hope by reminding me that “If you’ve got pain, He’s a pain-taker; if you feel lost, He’s a way-maker; if you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior, if you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker.”  Girlfriends, we can’t give up and let the lies of the enemy spewing guilt and shame defeat us!  We have to join hands by sharing through transparency our deepest hurts so we don’t ever give up and claim freedom!  There’s hope just waiting to be released because there is no shame in our game; Jesus is His Name!

So many of us are full of sorrow, trials, confusion, betrayal, pain and exhaustion.  We need each other for a reason.  Don’t hide behind your walls of shame and insecurities.  Get out there and share!  When we share our hurts with others, it releases the key that unlocks the hope and peace for sustainment and victory.

This mama’s heart is hurting.  I mean, I’m like other mamas and grandmas, I already had my life and children’s and grandchildren’s script written out to perfection.  Though I knew there would be tears shed, hearts broken, and agreements to disagree, I can actually say I never thought seconds of my life would involve tragedy caused at the hands of my own child, especially coming from the one who has a heart full of compassion. 

I am finding out very quickly that oftentimes those of us who are filled with compassion have had great suffering combined with betrayal, along with abandonment and rejection that reared its ugly head somewhere throughout our lives.  Sound familiar?

What happens when the bleeding heart can no longer tolerate the strength from the taunting jeers that has been suppressed?  Sadly, I am finding out that when you haven’t exactly worked through your own fears and hurts, also known as heartbreaking anger, that compassionate heart quickly gets wiped out to what evolves as Hurricane Aggression destroying everyone in its path.  Can you relate?  I know I sure can.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!