Tag Archives: #son

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I stood there shocked in disbelief. Every single one of the doctor’s words spoken were unintelligible, framed in slow-motioned lip slices to this mama’s hemorrhaging heart.

When our world turns upside down AND implodes!

Hearing tragic news literally jolts your world. It scars and cuts like a knife. It shakes and rocks your world more violent than a 7.5 earthquake.

The doctor’s rushed encounter causes sheer terror. Extreme panic and shock sets in. Only divine and supernatural intervention can restore.

Your hands cup the disbelief along with salty tears released from the ducts of Hoover Dam. You collapse to the ground because your weight becomes too much to bear by yourself. 

As your body folds onto the cold cement floor of the E.R. doorway, your focus zooms to the feet scurrying by and the relentless, torturing, alarm sounds going off from medical devices sustaining lives triggering major PTSD.

Code Blue, Room 2!

The coolness from the floor can’t compete with what’s burning through your heart and mind.  The branding sears, “Code Blue, Room 2; Code Blue, Room 2.”

My mind races back 25 years as I cradle this beautiful blue-eyed baby boy with the sweetest white hair that I spiked up like Bart Simpson.

The joy this mama’s heart pondered hearing what a beautiful baby he was from those passing by; though their initial reactions were that he was a girl because he was such a beautiful porcelain-skinned doll. It didn’t matter, he was my beautiful baby.  He was God’s medical miracle.

Cradling him back and forth became a coping mechanism that would offer him comfort throughout his life.

Setting them free…

My beautiful blessings

Miracles…

I wish I could go back and hold him forever as I squish and caress his porky feet.

Only us mamas can appreciate our infatuations with our children’s feet.

Dislike feet?  Stinky and gross?

Me, too.  That is, until I gave birth to my children.

Suddenly two feet layered in Red Wings and blue slip covers slide into my uncharted pool of tears. I’m agitated because they’re occupying my “personal space,” even though I lay dormant on the hospital’s floor. 

After hearing repeated “Ma’ams,” this fully bearded, piercing dark eyes and haired man wearing a white kippah squats down and squares me right in the face. His lips begin to move, but I can no longer make sense of anything after the explosion of tragedy hit my brain.

I laid there comatose until his physical touch stroking my hair away from my face did my senses start to re-emerge.

He offers to help me up, but due to the paralysis from all the fear and dread and the lack of courage to face reality, he scoops me up into his arms instead and pulls me out of the deadly traffic jam in front of Trauma Room 2.

No sooner than hearing the beat of another’s heart, my eyes fell laser-focused onto the huge lifeless squishy feet hanging over the hospital gurney as many doctors and nurses were performing CPR, inserting tubes and IV’s into my lifeless blue son.

The adrenaline from the broken heart leaped me out of the chaplain’s arms and off the floor as loud battle cries from heaven wailed, causing the medical team to pull the curtain closed.

The chaplain catches me again, pulling me away from the room.

When your visualization is a lifeless baby boy, who may be 6’5″, but who is blue and not responding to medical attention being rendered, your eyes and mind focus intuitively on what’s outside the drawn curtain for survival. 

You frame each second onto the surroundings; his blood on the floor, the fluid bags and needle wrappings and the horrible sounds coming from the trauma team who is now holding your baby boy as long as it takes.

God’s Great Love reaches down to hold me tight through this amazing Jewish Chaplain named Joe. God comforts me through Joe saying, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes” along with scripture from Deuteronomy 31:6:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

God was faithful in sustaining me. His words are branded forever in my heart and mind, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes.”

And through a life that’s cleaved to those beautiful words, even when there hasn’t been an expected and good ending, I trust my Father God to pick me up and carry me through every tragedy and loss that comes my way.

As far as this 6’5″ baby boy, his striking blue eyes still pierce this mama’s heart with love and strong, yet tender, hugs. This day ended well!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

When A Mama’s Heart Is Broken

When A Mama’s Heart Is Broken! 

Don’t You Ever Touch My Son!

 

All I can do today besides cry and pray is to blog:  “Don’t you EVER touch my son!” 

And I mean ever…  Ever again…  NEVER!!!  And may I repeat, EVER AGAIN!

When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!  And that’s an understatement.  Don’t ever cross paths or get in the way of a mama bear protecting her young.  Only a mother’s love can shield her young.  And that “young” includes grown men, too.  To this mama, he’ll forever be my baby boy. 

My heart is broken and filled with justifiable anger.  Why do people slander others?  You either need Jesus or a job; probably both!

Words from another are maliciously and methodically attacking my child.  Why do people insist on talking about others and acting like gossip is an acceptable thing to do?  If you even knew my son, which you don’t, you would never speak such ill words.

Gossip is destructive and even more powerful than any nuclear war or tsunami could deliver in wiping out a nation much sooner than any national disaster could. 

The words spoken from our mouths reveal our faith!

Precious beloveds, there is already way too much devastation in this world.  People need more love, not hate.  My God, take those torturous daggers and flaming arrows and throw them in the pit of hell.  The fruit of Thy Mouth loudly announces your faith.  Fruit produces L-O-V-E!!! 

Beloved, you are hurting my Lord.  It’s obvious that your heart needs healing.  Please stop justifying non-believers’ opinions as to why they want nothing to do with Christianity!

Gossip hurts.  My son needs support and love, not the lies that are pouring out of your mouth.  Where’s the love?

Why do some Christians believe that gossip is not a sin and totally acceptable and forget that its penalties carry the same as adultery and murder?

I lean heavily on what the Bible says especially when it emphasizes the rarity in sharing what God hates.  Proverbs 6:16-19 says:

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. 

Please write these words on the tablet of your heart because you are fulfilling all but one that God hates through your gossip.  All you’re doing is hurting my Lord and my son who has received enough destructive comments.

You can talk about me all you want because what you think of me does not change who I am, nor what I was called to do, or where my worth and value derive from.  I am loved and a daughter of the King of kings with royal blood running through my veins.  You cannot change that no matter how hard you try.

But… when it’s regarding my sons, this just confirms the fact as to why people want nothing to do with Jesus and those of us who radiate His Great Love.  Stop!  You’re giving my Lord a bad wrap and His Love took enough of a horrific and torturous death for our sins. 

Piss me off, but remember what Jesus said in Matthew 7:21 about walking out our faith:

Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?  Then I will tell them plainly:

I never knew you.  Away from me, you evildoers!

God does not will hate or gossip.  Quite the contrary!  God wills love!  Maybe you could start utilizing your energy by praying and asking our Lord for His forgiveness and learn from Jesus how you can build up others instead of tearing them down.  Your words are hurtful and full of lies. 

Since you are attacking my child, obviously you have a problem with me because you’re still talking about us.  If I did something to you, let’s talk so you can find peace and quit tarnishing someone who is already dealing with enough tragedy.

I pray you will take that “extra time” that you have and read what the Word actually says.  I am choosing to believe that you just do not know Jesus like you proclaim looking down that rather long nose of yours!

Living out our faith requires humility, patience and being trained up and equipped.  Others will know that we love Jesus and are His disciples simply by our love for one another (John 13:35) while forgiving others for the words that flow from their mouths and actions.  Love does not include back-biting and gossiping and being involved where we have no place, nor belong.  Jesus’ disciples mirror love like He did. 

God gives.  God gave us Jesus as an outpouring of His Love and His beloveds follow His example.  Let’s pour out love into others’ lives.  Being poured out is not taking away or stripping another of their dignity and self-worth.  Words are powerful and should not be used as a weapon.

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!