Tag Archives: #strongholds

Living With Addiction Day 11 ~ Depression and Belonging

Blameless Window of Blessings

Living With Addiction

Strongholds of Depression

Damage more than the Afflicted

Day 11 of 40

News Alert:  That mask I lived behind for many years showed the deep darkness to what controlled my very existence.  Depression is a lonely torment.  The enemy plants these tiny seeds of doubt into our minds with words like “You don’t belong, you’ll never be good enough or pretty enough.”  This scheme of deceit creeps into our minds and hearts while this full-blown warfare develops solely to steal, kill and destroy.

Somehow, some way, I saw the hand of God extending down from heaven as I was driving off that cliff and grabbed ahold of it as my car smashed and bounced off the wall of rocks.  Jesus had been patiently waiting for me to grab ahold of His help so I would understand why He came; to set us ALL free, those who would believe, so that we may have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10).  It was then that this weapon of depression and force of destruction that was being formed against me lost its power during my final attempt at suicide.

While I was unconscious due to my skull fracture, I witnessed that bright light that some near-death experiences receive as I witnessed my life flashing before my very eyes.  I was touched clearly by the hand of God; how else could I survive flying through the air 350 feet after going through steel beams and bars and smashing into the cliff’s rocks, not to mention living through the force of the impact that compressed and wrapped my remains around the twisted metal of what was once my Volkswagen Bug.

So what happened to good ‘ole Scott, that dreamy boy, that some of you have asked?  You know, I don’t know.  I will never forget the “words” from his get-well card saying, “If you ever want to drop in anywhere, drop in at my house.”  He said I looked beautiful at the concert and disappeared right afterwards.  Due to our amazing seats, he was unable to get up front with us, but that he was behind me the whole time watching us a dozen rows back.

My parents and I moved to a completely new area shortly after my release from both hospitalizations and I never saw him again.  The enemy is good about robbing us of blessings and gifts that were ours to begin with to open, but we let doubt, insecurities, and fears, you name it, rob us of our value and our gifts intended just for that day.

Since Isaiah 54:17 reassures us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper, then it is my duty and responsibility to believe and walk out my faith trusting God at His Word.  This will require moving forward in great expectation and obedience so I may receive the deliverance from this weapon called depression however He chooses to orchestrate it.

God is faithful; He brought my deliverance and healing, but it was not without great cost and pain; the death of Jesus Christ.  I’d call it nothing short of a miracle.  Being healed by Jesus offers us a lifelong journey of hope and joy while giving us glimpses into what heaven will really be like. 

When we encounter this Great Love affair on a daily basis breathing, living and applying His Word to our lives, we become redeemed and transformed and our old strongholds and insecurities that genetically shackled us are removed and we become restored and renewed to being these Beautiful Beloveds God designed and created us to be.

It also helps us love others, even those that have brought us harm.  I want to live and love like 1 Corinthians 13 tells us; through kindness, humility, patience, and by being one who does not easily anger and holds no record of wrongdoing while seeing the best in others through the lens of the forgiveness that was bestowed upon me during the outpouring of love and redemption.

Having a relationship with the Lord changed my perception on who I was!  I finally belonged, to the King of kings and Lord of lords, mind you, and experienced the Love that we all yearn for; the Love I was even going to die for, but Jesus took my place instead and rescued me from myself.  This is called our Father’s Love!  He’s a good, good Father.

Until next time…

 

Living With Addiction Day 14 ~ Shame Broken Behavior

Blameless Love

Living With Addiction

Strongholds of Shame

The Broken Behavior

Day 14 of 40

The piercing chill arising from a lonely Beloved’s heart who longed to be touched and loved on was no match for the brooding blizzard within.  This Beloved’s desperation found her tears leading her adrift until the chill from an approaching arctic blast forced her to seek shelter in an unexpected tavern occupied by deceptive sojourners. 

Midwest storms were known for their frigid temperatures due to the arctic air that rushes down from the backsides of snowstorms, but this arctic blast was no match for the impending freeze-up that would last for generations to come.

One step into the tavern confirmed that not even the biting chill from the wind outside could be compared with the brokenness existing from the patrons seeking shelter from the storm’s wrath.

With the chill brooding in the Beloved’s broken heart, she found her way to the warmth of the bar.  As she began to sit down, she unwrapped her fur scarf and asked the bartender for a shot of whiskey to diffuse the frigid dampness in the room.

This unraveling of the layers between the clothing and the warmth from the whiskey within announced the Beloved’s beauty that drew attention unlike anything she had ever experienced.  What started out as innocent shelter from the arctic blast led to decisions that would effect many hearts, many families, for many generations to come. 

Two hearts united together by whiskey during an arctic blast should have offered a life leading to marriage with the white picket fence and a couple of kids.  Maybe in a perfect world!  But coming from a tavern of deception…

Hundreds of years ago, living with addiction became predominant.  The stronghold of physical abuse and being subjected to it through control and manipulation bled through to subsequent generations.  There was also infidelity acceptance; this man was married with his own children.

Here is a married, abusive, alcoholic man promising love to a beautiful and desperate Beloved with a broken heart.  An affair ensues, but when the Beloved finds out she is pregnant, she also finds out that the man she gave her heart to is married. 

Back in that era, not only was premarital sex forbidden, but an unwed mother from an adulterous affair would receive ridicule and be forsaken.  This new life that promised new beginnings started a whole new arctic chill and avalanche that would take out and devastate many generations to come.

To me, the birth of a child is a blessing, no matter how it’s conceived.  I cannot imagine the pain associated with living a life filled with lies brought on to cover up an affair!  This child grew up living with the shame brought on from being a byproduct of an adulterous affair and that her parents chose to run and hide to a new area to get married to cover up the shame of the pregnancy and adulterous affair.  May I introduce you to Mr. Shame at his finest hour!

The shame in living with the secret that you are a byproduct of an adulterous affair was destructive.  The damages continue to be the predominant force and stronghold over my family!  This sounds so much like my own life.  How about yours?  The cycle continues.

The shame this Beloved carried kept her locked up in a cell of hell.  She became emotionally absent because she feared that the truth of her blessed inception would be found out.  It created layers of deception and rage throughout the family dynamics because, for one, her father was a womanizer, an alcoholic, and an abusive man drowning in his own misery and alcohol.  We know what scorned women do, but carrying the weight of such shame is unfathomable!

If I could see you today, Beautiful, the Beloved who lived your life through the lens of shame, I would hold your hand and share that being a byproduct of an affair has no reflection on the amazing and loving woman you are.  There is no reason to be ashamed.  You are a blessing to your family, though you may not hear the gentle whispers of love and affirmation through the concealment in your cell of hell. 

Your children still arise and call you blessed because of all the love you poured into them with the best of your ability battling depression and shame.  Even though your heart may be severely tattered from all the hell you lived through for so many years underneath the weight of torment, I get it.  I wish I could erase and pull out all that pain to spring new life from your heaviness due to carrying and hiding from this family secret that has no bearing on you.

I want to say thank you for blessing me with your unique and valuable gifts of love and compassion for others, intelligence, style and sophistication that will continue to live on through many generations.  I am proud to carry your DNA.  I love you like so many do.  That barrier that was built because of shame that robbed you of a life filled with peace and fulfillment, it’s coming down in the name of Jesus Christ!

Beautiful Beloved, you are forgiven.  Just ask!  You are so loved and precious!  Your life leaves a legacy for the beginnings of severing this stronghold of living with addiction!  I love you.  This stronghold deliverance belongs to the Lord!  Jesus has the key and He has unlocked the ball and chains that have held us all captive for so many generations.  Rejoice, your life has meaning!  We have come for a time such as this; our legacies leave love, strength and deliverance!  Love covers all!

Until next time…

Living With Addiction Day 11 ~ Depression and Belonging

Blameless Window of Blessings

Living With Addiction

Strongholds of Depression

Damage more than the Afflicted

Day 11 of 40

News Alert:  That mask I lived behind for many years showed the deep darkness to what controlled my very existence.  Depression is a lonely torment.  The enemy plants these tiny seeds of doubt into our minds with words like “You don’t belong, you’ll never be good enough or pretty enough.”  This scheme of deceit creeps into our minds and hearts while this full-blown warfare develops solely to steal, kill and destroy.

Somehow, some way, I saw the hand of God extending down from heaven as I was driving off that cliff and grabbed ahold of it as my car smashed and bounced off the wall of rocks.  Jesus had been patiently waiting for me to grab ahold of His help so I would understand why He came; to set us ALL free, those who would believe, so that we may have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10).  It was then that this weapon of depression and force of destruction that was being formed against me lost its power during my final attempt at suicide.

While I was unconscious due to my skull fracture, I witnessed that bright light that some near-death experiences receive as I witnessed my life flashing before my very eyes.  I was touched clearly by the hand of God; how else could I survive flying through the air 350 feet after going through steel beams and bars and smashing into the cliff’s rocks, not to mention living through the force of the impact that compressed and wrapped my remains around the twisted metal of what was once my Volkswagen Bug.

So what happened to good ‘ole Scott, that dreamy boy, that some of you have asked?  You know, I don’t know.  I will never forget the “words” from his get-well card saying, “If you ever want to drop in anywhere, drop in at my house.”  He said I looked beautiful at the concert and disappeared right afterwards.  Due to our amazing seats, he was unable to get up front with us, but that he was behind me the whole time watching us a dozen rows back.

My parents and I moved to a completely new area shortly after my release from both hospitalizations and I never saw him again.  The enemy is good about robbing us of blessings and gifts that were ours to begin with to open, but we let doubt, insecurities, and fears, you name it, rob us of our value and our gifts intended just for that day.

Since Isaiah 54:17 reassures us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper, then it is my duty and responsibility to believe and walk out my faith trusting God at His Word.  This will require moving forward in great expectation and obedience so I may receive the deliverance from this weapon called depression however He chooses to orchestrate it.

God is faithful; He brought my deliverance and healing, but it was not without great cost and pain; the death of Jesus Christ.  I’d call it nothing short of a miracle.  Being healed by Jesus offers us a lifelong journey of hope and joy while giving us glimpses into what heaven will really be like. 

When we encounter this Great Love affair on a daily basis breathing, living and applying His Word to our lives, we become redeemed and transformed and our old strongholds and insecurities that genetically shackled us are removed and we become restored and renewed to being these Beautiful Beloveds God designed and created us to be.

It also helps us love others, even those that have brought us harm.  I want to live and love like 1 Corinthians 13 tells us; through kindness, humility, patience, and by being one who does not easily anger and holds no record of wrongdoing while seeing the best in others through the lens of the forgiveness that was bestowed upon me during the outpouring of love and redemption.

Having a relationship with the Lord changed my perception on who I was!  I finally belonged, to the King of kings and Lord of lords, mind you, and experienced the Love that we all yearn for; the Love I was even going to die for, but Jesus took my place instead and rescued me from myself.  This is called our Father’s Love!  He’s a good, good Father.

Until next time…