Tag Archives: @sutterroseville

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I’ll Hold You As Long As It Takes…

I stood there shocked in disbelief. Every single one of the doctor’s words spoken were unintelligible, framed in slow-motioned lip slices to this mama’s hemorrhaging heart.

When our world turns upside down AND implodes!

Hearing tragic news literally jolts your world. It scars and cuts like a knife. It shakes and rocks your world more violent than a 7.5 earthquake.

The doctor’s rushed encounter causes sheer terror. Extreme panic and shock sets in. Only divine and supernatural intervention can restore.

Your hands cup the disbelief along with salty tears released from the ducts of Hoover Dam. You collapse to the ground because your weight becomes too much to bear by yourself. 

As your body folds onto the cold cement floor of the E.R. doorway, your focus zooms to the feet scurrying by and the relentless, torturing, alarm sounds going off from medical devices sustaining lives triggering major PTSD.

Code Blue, Room 2!

The coolness from the floor can’t compete with what’s burning through your heart and mind.  The branding sears, “Code Blue, Room 2; Code Blue, Room 2.”

My mind races back 25 years as I cradle this beautiful blue-eyed baby boy with the sweetest white hair that I spiked up like Bart Simpson.

The joy this mama’s heart pondered hearing what a beautiful baby he was from those passing by; though their initial reactions were that he was a girl because he was such a beautiful porcelain-skinned doll. It didn’t matter, he was my beautiful baby.  He was God’s medical miracle.

Cradling him back and forth became a coping mechanism that would offer him comfort throughout his life.

Setting them free…

My beautiful blessings

Miracles…

I wish I could go back and hold him forever as I squish and caress his porky feet.

Only us mamas can appreciate our infatuations with our children’s feet.

Dislike feet?  Stinky and gross?

Me, too.  That is, until I gave birth to my children.

Suddenly two feet layered in Red Wings and blue slip covers slide into my uncharted pool of tears. I’m agitated because they’re occupying my “personal space,” even though I lay dormant on the hospital’s floor. 

After hearing repeated “Ma’ams,” this fully bearded, piercing dark eyes and haired man wearing a white kippah squats down and squares me right in the face. His lips begin to move, but I can no longer make sense of anything after the explosion of tragedy hit my brain.

I laid there comatose until his physical touch stroking my hair away from my face did my senses start to re-emerge.

He offers to help me up, but due to the paralysis from all the fear and dread and the lack of courage to face reality, he scoops me up into his arms instead and pulls me out of the deadly traffic jam in front of Trauma Room 2.

No sooner than hearing the beat of another’s heart, my eyes fell laser-focused onto the huge lifeless squishy feet hanging over the hospital gurney as many doctors and nurses were performing CPR, inserting tubes and IV’s into my lifeless blue son.

The adrenaline from the broken heart leaped me out of the chaplain’s arms and off the floor as loud battle cries from heaven wailed, causing the medical team to pull the curtain closed.

The chaplain catches me again, pulling me away from the room.

When your visualization is a lifeless baby boy, who may be 6’5″, but who is blue and not responding to medical attention being rendered, your eyes and mind focus intuitively on what’s outside the drawn curtain for survival. 

You frame each second onto the surroundings; his blood on the floor, the fluid bags and needle wrappings and the horrible sounds coming from the trauma team who is now holding your baby boy as long as it takes.

God’s Great Love reaches down to hold me tight through this amazing Jewish Chaplain named Joe. God comforts me through Joe saying, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes” along with scripture from Deuteronomy 31:6:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

God was faithful in sustaining me. His words are branded forever in my heart and mind, “I’ll hold you as long as it takes.”

And through a life that’s cleaved to those beautiful words, even when there hasn’t been an expected and good ending, I trust my Father God to pick me up and carry me through every tragedy and loss that comes my way.

As far as this 6’5″ baby boy, his striking blue eyes still pierce this mama’s heart with love and strong, yet tender, hugs. This day ended well!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

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Thank You Sutter Roseville Hospital For Hiring Radiating Nurses

Blameless Nurses and Doctors

Thank You Sutter Roseville Hospital For Hiring Radiating Nurses

Tammy Tangent Tuesdays

Hi Beautiful!  I pray you’re having a blessed week so far filled with all the love and strength you need to sojourn gracefully while waltzing this side of heaven.  It’s that time again; it’s Tammy Tangent Tuesdays!

This past week required tapping into my own reserve tank for resources that can only be found in the depth of my soul.  No sooner than I clicked “publish” on last week’s Tammy Tangent Tuesdays challenge, I found myself in the hospital requiring emergency services that no one is ever prepared to deal with.

When one resents provisional occupancy at any hospital, had it not been for the expertise and call of Dr. Attarwala, along with my beautiful emergency room physician, Dr. Anna Nguyen, and my remarkably hard-working, never-stopping R.N., Mr. Noah himself, who even tolerated my Noah’s Flood, I would not have graciously accepted reality that wheeled me up to my new home on the cardiology floor.

Who would have known my new home would be equipped with even more amazing RNs, like Ethan and Renee, who kept me comfortable and medicated; their beautiful assistants, like Kanesha and Rita; the many LVNs; the heartwarming dietary clinician who served me special plates of veggies that induced me to finally start eating after four days; and the many housecleaning beloveds who catered to my constant upkeep.

My joy would have been robbed had it not been for all y’all.  I went through these deep waters victoriously because you helped me stay afloat and not drown during this raging river of difficulty.  Please take to heart, you are God’s hands and feet.  I noticed how exhausted you were with the relentless alarm of the monitors; how you gave up your break because you didn’t want to leNurse's Prayerave my care; the chaotic crisis that left you unable to empty your bladder; the unpredictable state of my vitals that left you bewildered and feeling inadequate; the grace exhibited when having to share bad news which was reciprocated with anger and piercing vocals; the sound of your growling stomach while others complained how time-consuming it was when you had to gown up and off each time you entered my room.

There I was laying on my gurney in complete silence, afraid of each breath as I faced the fear of the unknown.  As I contended with the physical pain, you sat down next to me reassuring me with words of comfort and warmth as you held my cold hand saying, “I’m so sorry.”  Your compassion and your love ushered me into the presence of my Lord as I met face to face with my faith.  This stilled the tears and replaced it with joy.  It also replaced my fears with peace and strength, and it turned the physical pain into laughter.

Caring for one is called love; but caring for hundreds, that’s nursing!

Tonight I took the opportunity with an exhausted mind to embrace being still as I inhaled every bit of the picturesque view of heaven that was being painted and awaiting my arrival.  My heart and soul rejoiced as I witnessed a soothing and vibrant sunset.  This just reaffirmed that there is beauty and solace right before our very eyes during the dark times, but it requires trust and courage to open up and peek through the lens of Love Himself while allowing God to display His majestic glory.

Sadly, registered nurses hear more grumblings and complaints than hearing words of praise and appreciation from less-than-wonderful patients, situations, and demanding job duties.  Yet, they still find the grace to showcase genuine concern for patients and their family members. 

This led me to want to dedicate this week’s Tammy Tangent Tuesdays to all the amazing RNs, Radiating Nurses, who give so much more than dedication and expertise to take care of their patients.

Thank you for radiating light in darkness which helps patients hang onto all hope!  When we’re in the hospital, we’re completely exposed with nowhere to run and hide and that becomes frightening.  And when the lenses of our journeys look bleak, we oftentimes take for granted the beauty that God orchestrates to sprinkle the love and pour hope into our situations that we need to bravely navigate through all the debris!

R.N.s Equal Radiating Nurses

Radiating Nurses not only care for their patients, but they share the gift of comfort and grieve right alongside of us.  They offer hope when they question treatment and interject Blameless Nurses Prayeroftentimes by being our advocates.  They bring peace during the chaos, and they extend a healing touch just when it is needed.  They are gifts and the vessels God utilizes as conduits in being His hands and feet; so let’s tell them thank you for their service.

Weekly challenge:  Let’s thank all the Radiating Nurses we cross paths with by either writing out words of gratitude and encouragement through letters or cards (better yet, tell their shift supervisor), offer tokens of love by handing them flowers and sharing how they brightened up our day, offer them prayers and praise, gift card, hugs, or even Sutter’s highest reward, nominate them for a Sutter Star for their service and performance.  Simple and random acts of kindness and appreciation go a long way!

Until next time…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

Beautiful You