Category Archives: Tammy Tangent Tuesdays

Love Wins…

#lovewins 
Release and restore. A willingness to embrace discomfort is absolutely essential to you being amazing you!

But as long as I’m worshipping other people’s approval, I can never accept myself.  And as long as I never accept myself, I never give anyone else a chance to accept me, know me, and love authentic ME!!!  

Why am I so darn afraid of being Beautiful Me?  
Why do I sabotage and set myself up for failure?  
Fear?  Hello...

When I’m trying to be in an approval-based relationship with everyone, it costs me myself and it means I can’t be in an acceptance-based relationship because I’m in a perpetual posture of rejecting myself, not accepting myself.  

So until we learn to actually accept ourselves, then we’ll always be worshipping other people’s approval or disapproval depending on if we’re compliant or defiant.

Embracing discomfort is absolutely essential if you’re going to be yourself and say yes to you. It means we’re ALWAYS unwilling to experience the uncomfortable fear of rejection.  It doesn’t always mean rejection will happen, it means “I will feel rejection.”  

And that’s okay... 🙏🙏🏿🙏🏽💝

We hurt ourselves from trying to hide from emotional pain.  Our self preservation instincts says to stay as far away from pain as possible.  But that just robs us of the love that God is waiting to pour into our lives.  He is our Christmas gift... 💝

When I feel I’m being approved, I have connection.  We don’t need to suffer alone in isolation, we need connection and community for healing.

We fear authenticity because as a child there were times when we stepped into being our authentic selves, and we weren’t recognized for it.  That hurts and it sucked!  We weren’t validated for it.  Being ourselves, it might not get recognized, it may cause abandonment or worse, we will get invalidated when we are being ourselves.

Perfect Love casts out all fear!  God’s Great Love brings people together who need others that will see them, hear them, hear their pain, and hear their heartbreak.  Love wins every time. #blamelessandforeverfreeministries

#restoreandrelease #trauma #fisherman 
#rehabilitateandrelease #reintegrate 
#fromprisontocommunity #healing
#reentry #reentrymatters #reentryprogram 
#rehabilitate #courage #compassion #bethechange #bethelight #transformation
#trauma #ACEs #restorativejustice #hope #redemption #god #jesus #lovewins 

https://www.blamelessandforeverfreeministries.org/trauma-wounds

Love Wins…

Release and restore.  A willingness to embrace discomfort is absolutely essential in being amazing ME!!!

And as long as I’m running after and worshipping other people’s approval, I will never accept myself.  And as long as I never accept myself, I will never give anyone else a chance to accept me, know me, and love authentic ME!!!

Why can’t we just be?

Fear?

Hello…

When I’m trying to be in an approval-based relationship with everyone, it costs me myself and it means I can’t be in an acceptance-based relationship because I’m in a perpetual posture of rejecting myself, not accepting myself.  

Ouch…

Darn it, I took the bait. Now my head is spinning as the fisherman is reeling me in.

That means I’m still a performance-based queen through my own acceptance-based fears!

That’s a hot mess…

Rejection could be for my protection, too; right?

Hard to shake off those old generational strongholds and insecurities I picked up during my own adverse childhood experiences and trauma.

We all need nurturing and belonging that clothes us with comforting connections. That’s why being authentic is so important; we won’t push others away with our insecurities and fears.

Sitting with our anxiety instead of avoiding it. No more running. It’s wasted energy. Being present is liberating! Let the awkward silence move through you.

Until we learn to actually accept ourselves, we’ll always be worshipping other people’s approval or disapproval, depending on if we’re compliant or defiant.

Why would we give another such power to control and devour?

Embracing discomfort is absolutely essential if we’re going to be ourselves and say yes to ourselves.

And I want to say “yes” to me; don’t you?

This shackling fear means we’re ALWAYS unwilling to experience the uncomfortable fear of rejection.  It doesn’t always mean rejection will happen, it just means “I will feel rejection.”  

I. Will. Feel. Rejection.

EVERYONE feels rejection from time to time…

And given that our self-preservation instincts tells us to stay as far away as possible from emotional pain; pain once felt from the fear of the hook, line and sinker which then released and flung us moving towards it, we became stronger and more resilient in our own acceptance.

So once I befriend and embrace the paralyzing pain delivered from the fear of rejection, it will turn this curse (fear) into blessings.

We can’t always be unwilling to experience the uncomfortable fear of rejection. We become resilient when we faith our fears and lean into it. It’s empowering.

And since my God created us in His image, with the royal blood running through our veins, it’s time to take a stand and embrace being Beautiful You with unique qualities that ONLY YOU AND I POSSESS and quit hiding and running from it.

The world NEEDS what only WE possess!!!

We hurt ourselves from trying to hide from emotional pain.  Our self-preservation MAY SPEAK CONTRARY (get out of that hood), but all that’s done is rob us of the love and healing that God is waiting to pour into our lives being an overcomer.  

Our Beautiful Jesus is our Christmas gift that keeps on giving and giving… 💝

When I feel I’m being approved, I have connection and belonging and an extra cup of confidence.

Connection nurtures, buffers storms by creating resilience and swaddles us tightly in our identity with Christ who alone transforms and restores.

I am not what I have done.  I am what I have overcome!  Redemption.

Overcoming means we are no longer consumed by those hot tears of bitterness and rage springing up. We have more laughter than tears. More joy and less sadness. More resolve and less problems than our insecurities and fears ever birthed. More hope and less fear.

We are called APPROVED; and God is for us, not against us!

God was rejected and wounded by the unfaithfulness of His children over and over again. But His Relentless Love expressed in His pursuit to cover us with His Perfect Gift, He was wounded again by trading His Very Life for us, knowing that we may very well refuse His Great Love again and again and turn our backs!

That’s rejection at its finest, but that’s the God that we serve! He pursues over and over and over again. That’s the spark called hope!

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. – Desmond Tutu

That’s an unnatural act of Love; God’s Great Love, but we are His chosen and He continues to pursue us.

I want to love others like that.

Sit with me here…

Being vulnerable, we fear authenticity because as a child, there were times when we stepped into being our authentic selves, and we weren’t received or recognized for it. We were rejected. Shamed. Invalidated. Even abandoned or abused. Mocked! Not nurtured.

That hurt turned dark. It developed despair and discouragement that birthed depression and almost death. Every choice and behavior thereafter was triggered and built on the lies of rejection and anxiety.

Being laughed at and discarded while being authentic me has been my greatest trigger between my heart and others. And we wonder why I tried taking my own life 40 years ago?

We weren’t validated for it.  Being ourselves. It might not get recognized, it may cause abandonment or worse, we will get invalidated when we are being ourselves.

But Perfect Love casts out all fear!  

God’s Great Love brings people together who need others that will see them, hear them, hear their pain, and hear their heartbreak.  Love wins every time!

And when we release our fears and become the restored beloveds God created and designed us to be, we become our authentic selves who are available to love on and embrace others who are struggling with the same issues.

Blameless and Forever Free Ministries Winning the lottery doesn't make you lucky.  Getting to love makes you the luckiest of all because love always wins.  You don't need the love of many - you only need to love many times more than you ever thought you could. Ann Voskamp

The best things in life are oftentimes on the other side of fear. What’s holding you back? Fear of failure? Fear of change? Fear of being alone?

Join me as we run into 2021 celebrating being our authentic selves!!!

Until next time…

Building Bridges Of Healing That Promote Opportunities!

Blameless and Forever Free ministries believes building bridges of healing that promotes opportunities heals all in our criminal justice system

Building Bridges Of Healing That Promote Opportunities!

My heart has been rather heavy lately, even angry, at how this Petri dish of disease and death within our state prisons has been tolerated, even accepted, as a new “norm” or even as a means of reducing our over-crowded prison population.

Maybe the heart’s heavier because I’m scared for my own son as he finishes his last few days serving time for his crime “burning in hell,” as he put it, before communications were lost due to being infected with COVID in these prison outbreaks that show absolutely no mercy.

A mother’s heart yearns to be there when her child is sick, whether they’re a tantrum-throwing toddler or a 6’5″ gentle giant; but precluding that medicine is brutal for everyone.

Interacting with those incarcerated, one thing is clear: Understanding most people incarcerated likely have had adverse childhood experiences, more likely a highly traumatic experience as a child, the way they react, or deal with adversities, overwhelms their mental health capacity. They act out because something traumatic IS occurring and they’re not equipped with the tools necessary to appropriately deal with it.

Being imprisoned hasn’t offered, nor focused, on rehabilitation for restorative purposes.

Taking out their support systems, no matter how minimalistic it was, during long-lasting lockdowns, precludes emotional support being delivered. With the absence of visitation from loved ones and friends (six months now), encourages reactive public policies, fueling disconnection leading to isolation and shame, destroying opportunities for healing.

Education, connection, compassion, vocational training, chapel time, employment making 60 cents an hour, 15-minute phone calls, yard time with physical activity, is essential for understanding life skills, accountability and purpose in one’s life.

Now with life being reduced back to an animalistic six-by-eight cage with bipolar cellmates, lacking adequate mental-health, medical and spiritual provision, breeds complete disconnection.

Their behaviors went, and continue to go, unexplored and unresolved.  

I don’t have all the answers, but one thing is certain: The work we, as a society, are going to have to undertake is going to take nothing but a supernatural covering to restore what was and is deplored.  

After all, the goal of rehabilitation is to “help inmates stop being prisoners of their past and become architects of their future.” 

During these unprecedented times, innovative and creative circles of compassion are going to be needed for healing for all entangled in our criminal justice system.

And I’m hopeful that life-changing and life-affirming moments WILL happen because of authentic, vulnerable and intimate connections.

As a mother, a grandmother, and the founder of Blameless and Forever Free Ministries, I am eternally grateful that our new Secretary of CDCR, Kathleen Allison, is a woman whose 30 years with CDCR includes experience as a health-care professional focusing on rehabilitative opportunities for restorative justice.

I pray we can all lean into hope and forgiveness as we embrace new beginnings.  Love always wins!!!

Until next time…