Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
As I prepare for the beautiful spirit that will be arriving soon, I find myself filled with so much anxiety and fear. It’s kind of silly actually because she is a gentle spirit that loves Jesus and is learning daily herself how to discern the Lord’s gentle tugging. She has just navigated through a journey of her own that has prepared her for this very task. Since she looks up to me as her mentor and seeks guidance for ways in how to gauge obedience to God’s calling, I will not be able to offer her my opinion because this decision is solely between her and the Lord.
This time together tonight is sacred; besides enjoying her beautiful spirit and digging into the Word of God as we fellowship with one another, tonight I will be asking her if she would like to become part of the team and be on the board of directors for this new ministry that the Lord has been leading me to develop. It’s a huge task for anyone to commit to, exciting with many opportunities, but one that requires discipline while being still for that whisper that can only be accomplished through prayer and quiet time. It’s a lesson I wrestle with myself; being quiet and still during excitement is and can be brutal and exhausting!
What exactly each person’s role and job duties will entail is not something I know at this time; but with God, isn’t that typical? He doesn’t give us a five-year plan, much less a detailed and spelled out one. There’s no room in this ministry for control freaks, that was a painful lesson; this is where total surrender with faith and trust coexist (2 Cor. 5:7). Plus, I have another Sista, a scholar to boot, to also ask so this is quite overwhelming and pushing me outside of my comfort zone. With knowing these two amazing and awesome women that the Lord keeps tugging on my heart to ask to join the team, I see how dynamic and powerful this ministry could be with pouring into women in all stages of life and how many Beautiful Beloveds God will touch through our obedience. Definitely walking by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7), but I’m anxiously being obedient to the call I have surrendered to do (John 9:4).
Honestly, the fear that resides inside of me, I am scared of the unknowns and the rejection. Just being obedient to my calling is fearful enough (God has done major transformation here), much less inviting others to join you through all these unknowns. I guess that’s called Faithful Warriors, huh? God requires trust in leading and requires complete surrender of control without the reassurance of, “By the fifth year, I will have fulfilled X, Y, and Z while I winked at C.” As I keep pondering these negative tapes filling my mind from the enemy, the Lord brings to my heart Psalm 56:3-4, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”
But God, hello, this is catered to women and women are known to be vicious and catty and they might laugh and make fun of me as I speak and share and, worst yet, call me the foolish things of the world in moving forward. But isn’t that the trap of the enemy to thwart and paralyze the moving forward action by highlighting the insecurities that lie within me, not them? I’ve already rebuked every negative word that has EVER been spoken over me, so……. This bold and courageous woman has you all fooled; I’m just as fearful and wrestle with the same issues we all do, I’m just willing to pull the trump card of victory by sharing and being transparent because I know where my worth and value derives from!!! Do I hear an AMEN!!! With one hand on my hip and the other hand pointing my finger in a circular motion, I was preaching those words! Ha!!! Attitude at her finest!!!
Seriously, though, when that insecurity surfaces and my eyes lose their focus on the Lord, that’s when Jesus reassures me with, “Beloved (be-loved)…I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last…” (John 15:15-16). Wow……… Thank you, Lord; thank you! So I’m walking by faith now and remembering, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
Oh, she’s here! I’m moving forward by believing in what Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Once she has time to pray about it, I will let you know the outcome and we’ll watch all of this develop together. I have another girlfriend who is so full of wisdom and is sassy like me, and one whom I hold the highest regard for; she is next. I’m shaking in my boots! I pray they both say yes; but if not, it’s just another step in faith and experiencing firsthand what an exciting journey this is!