Anger and Its Destruction!
Extending the Olive Branch in the Name of Love!
His violent, piercing words spoken relentlessly were brutal, “What are you *** looking at? You’re the reason the family *** hates us! No wonder I’m so *** up.” You get my point, just fill in the stars yourself for an idea of what filled and hovered in my sky!
Words of rage and anger strewn about through the damaging emotional darts and flaming arrows penetrated my every fiber as I was held prisoner in the shackles that were holding me captive in my cell of hell! Another’s pain and problems stung so deeply, I could not find a way to dodge or run from them. Instead, they tormented me violently as I grabbed my head and begged the Lord to release the ugly lies that were spoken over and weaved through my life.
How could he say that after everything I’ve done for him? He thinks he can corner me into this cell of hell that would announce my fear of failure through his shame and blame? I knew his words came from a place of pain, but they were relentless. I could not run from it or shake it. The only resolution, it demanded he find another place to live because he could not control himself.
I prayed for hours while being still (no, I babbled and rambled on 🙂 ) begging God to help me understand this restlessness of my soul and what to do before he was gone. All my dreams and, yes, expectations were crushed and demolished for my prodigal son, and if anyone was going to open wide my tattered and damaged heart that had healed with a lot of scar tissue, he wasn’t going to get away with it without figuring out why I could not let go of all these emotional scars brought on from his pain and rage.
I looked in the mirror at the silhouette looking back and I saw how the words from another were tormenting my soul. I was angry. Yes, justifiably angry. I knew his words were brought out due to his own fears and pain, but why could I no longer shake it from my person? Why was I allowing this shame and blame to manifest inside my tattered soul and heart when I knew who God said I was and I did what I could to help? Was I angry because the plan failed? Of course! Was I angry because I leaped into mommy action wearing my Super Hero outfit expecting to save his world, his family, and his life? Yes. That mommy grief of failure and pain was torturing and occupying my every space.
Living in a cell of hell requires a miraculous breakthrough. I needed comfort and clarification because my soul was not content yet with him leaving even though he crossed way too many boundaries. After all, where would he go and how would he receive medical help? The torment of a mother’s heart!
After asking a couple of girlfriends to pray for me to help me understand why I was so discontent and full of grief in his leaving, I was going to enter into a period of solitude time with the Lord while fasting and being still until the Lord answered me. And being the high maintenance Beloved I am when it comes to God, this characteristic of demand requires brutal patience, maybe even days of solitude while praying and fasting! Expecting an answer before the 11th hour was imperative for my peace. Thank God He loves me just the way I am!
Finally after petitioning the Lord a few hours, I felt my heart encouraged to pray differently while I laid there on my bed in total stillness. Being a seasoned Christian does not mean I’m perfect and do not struggle with the same issues as everyone does; in fact, the more seasoned we are, the harder we fall because of pride. I realized I needed to ask the Holy Spirit to show me the solution to calm my bleeding heart and to even convict me where I was wrong so I could learn and achieve the peace I needed in order to move on, grieve and walk through the pain.
God lovingly calmed me down enough to administer to my disturbed heart. He shared with me to open up my Bible and read Ephesians 4:26-32 (NIV) and He would reveal my discontent and show me what to do:
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Then the conviction hit; my wrestling was about understanding my own anger and the plan to achieve the peace and guidance I petitioned for. For my own self-worth and peace of mind, God announced that since I was still angry, it wrestled with my heart because it is filled with an overflow of compassion. Anger and compassion are bipolar rivalries and a brutal tug-of-war.
God’s scripture announced another form of communication to diffuse the anger and release my pain by offering a way to try and resolve the differences through my compassion. Before the day ends tonight, way before the 11th hour, He shared the only way to receive the peace is to work on trying to mend this fragile and delicate relationship. In a nutshell, God was telling me to suck it up, throw off my pride that had had enough; and if reconciliation wasn’t possible through agreement, at least I could grieve and move forward with peace!
I desire and want to please my God with my actions, but that stems from my attitude. The only way I can do that is by acting in love and kindness. This is the resolution I wanted, to see what God’s will is for me regarding my loved one so I’m not held in my cell of hell!
Life is hard, people are hard, and situations are challenging; but if we want to walk a life of Christ, it means removing the pride, the hurt feelings, and being uncomfortable while extending that olive branch with mercy and the last bit of love and compassion in our bodies! We all need to be faithful in extending the olive branch in the Name of Love.
Until next time…