Living With Addiction Day 15 ~ Broken Behavior

Blameless Stairs to Freedom

Living With Addiction

Strongholds of Shame

The Broken Behavior

Day 15 of 40

Wow, it seems like it’s been months since I last wrote.  Here I was on a roll and the typical tactics of the enemy intervened and attacked causing great pain.  Thankfully I will endure by fulfilling this 4o-day challenge as I press forward and remember where my strength comes from.  I just have to grab ahold of that life jacket filled with grace and tender mercies flowing from our Heavenly Father full of perseverance and power.  Can you relate?

Shame is a sad thing, isn’t it?  The broken behaviors that develop because of it, especially the insecurities, addictions and depression, are devastating!  My heart bleeds for my family members who live their lives hiding behind all that unmerited shame.  My wholehearted love and compassion especially grieves for the Beloved who was the blessed miracle that came from all the sin and shame and never understood her worth and value.  Not only can I identify with her on so many levels, but she was a precious gift and beautiful blessing.

So how has shame intervened in my life through all this broken behavior?  I know I eluded to it briefly in Day 14 that my life paralleled this broken behavior of shame through denial and the running from such problems so I guess that’s my intro into and navigation to start sharing another dark period of my life that was filled with deceit, infidelity, and many forms of abuse.  Abuse can be a really hard topic to talk about on a blog because its effects are so profound and stem from many facets concerning physical, verbal, sexual, financial and emotional abuse!   I will try my best.

I never could understand why some people could just walk up to me in the past and say that they could tell I was either a domestic violence warrior and/or survivor.  I mean, it’s not like I wore a T-shirt announcing such or even had it taped to my forehead, but…  The shame victims of abuse carry in either their body language, clothing, or mannerisms announce loudly what we often work so hard trying to cover up!   This is when being exposed and running naked is freedom at her finest hour!  Hallelujah!

Unless you’ve lived under some form of abuse, it is very hard to identify and understand the torture us precious souls are subjected to and live under.  It’s still a battle I visit every so often myself with some of my family; it makes me quiver and shake and want to throw up in believing I actually lived under that fear and control for decades.  I praise God for the severance of that cell of hell. 

It’s a hard cycle to break, and one in which requires awareness and sensitivity, and a whole lot of love and compassion; but we can all be healed by God’s Great Love through the sharing of our own stories and struggles.  Abuse is subtle and once it locks you up, the chains will hold you captive in a cell of hell with no window or door until you allow the Lord to sever that stronghold of shame and abuse.  I know, I lived in that cell of hell myself once upon a time.

It’s hard for people to conceive how hard it is to walk away from being in a cell of hell when that’s all you have ever known.  It’s hard to look at the removal and freedom of the shackles that once held you captive and are no longer a part of your life from entering that door of freedom with its doors wide open along with the warmth drawing you near.  That warmth and illumination flowing from the freedom outside those four walls is unfamiliar and scary because all you have ever known is the heaviness from the chill that has weighed you down and existed on the cell’s floor as you’ve crawled towards freedom.

Because healthy relationships and life inside the cell of hell never offered glimpses of paradise outside those four walls, many abuse victims never break free from the bondage of being a victim because, for one, they’re afraid; two, people just don’t talk about it due to shame and lack of awareness; and three, they do not realize what their worth and value is to society because they have never met Love Himself, Jesus Christ!  Their lives are based and built on shame.

Dealing with this stronghold of shame for deliverance meant, and will always mean, that my walk and reliance would solely be based on God and that I would need to learn how to go deeper with my lifelong interaction and relationship with Him, while relying on the promises of Jesus to break every chain holding my family captive through affliction.

Relying on God in times of stress and troubles are our only source of consolation and strength because this severance calls for a job that only Jesus can heal.  That’s where we get a glimpse of the majestic beauty that comes from the ashes of our pain this side of heaven!  Enjoy one of my favorites from Jesus Culture, There Is Power In The Name of Jesus; Break Every Chain!

Until next time, never forget…

Thank You For Being Beautiful You!

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3 thoughts on “Living With Addiction Day 15 ~ Broken Behavior

  1. Tammy,
    ThiIs is the second time that I’ve read your blog, the first brought back lots of memories from our time spent in high school. Your words are very powerful, and I’m glad you’re able put them in writing! I hope you are doing well and Happy New Year to you too!
    Joel

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    1. Hi Joel, your words of encouragement are graciously needed and appreciated! When we don’t feel well, but have a passion with a cause, it’s good to hear that people can relate and understand what I’m trying to say. Hopefully I can get back into the groove that my absence put a barrier between.
      Happy New Year to you as well!

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