In Search of Hope and Validation!

My sons and I struggle.  We struggle with trust.  Bleeding hearts keep other hearts at bay, sometimes without recognition.  We suffer from deep emotional wounds and scars that sometimes hurt one another.  Sadly, hurt people hurt others.

We want to fully trust others with unconditional love, but walls of defense built on fears of rejection are hard barriers to demolish.

I get my youngest’s struggle with lack of trust.  After all, he is my son and he learned both the good and bad characteristics deep within my underbellies.

Family is something we hold near to our hearts because it’s just us.  We don’t have other family to celebrate with or to lean on for support and encouragement.  Hope and validation is what our foundation is built upon.  Hope is our great motivator.

Establishing healthy new generations and traditions is vital, but fear of rejection threatens the very core of our foundation.

Disease, dysfunction and death have taken the multitude, but disappointment and dejection linger…

For me, leaning into my Lord when I’m trying to overcome dejection and loss is where my source of hope and validation is found.  I ponder the beautiful words in Psalm 32:7, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

My son wrestles with the Lord’s Love with all the tribulation surrounding his life and tends to unravel with anger to fight off the depression.

Rejection can smother any room with despair when hope (grace and mercy) is right in front of us leading the way!

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We are broken and works in progress like most.  We come from generations of dysfunction, addiction and abuse, like many families. The scars left behind, though, due to abandonment can create further generational strongholds if we don’t faith the fear and allow the Lord room for healing.

Several generations had to learn the hard way, and we’re talking imprisonment, before the shackles of rejection and shame released their hold and freedom delivered a powerful message of hope and validation.

How is it some of the fiercest leaders have suffered great pain?  Is it the constant pounding that leads to a tender heart?

How and why God molds and rebuilds from the lowest point is inconceivable to this finite mind.

Someone has to trust!

But trust who?

We play off our pain through layers of comedy and laughter.

This is how we have learned, and adjusted, to plow through great pain and suffering.

It’s awkward and uncomfortable changing this characteristic, but this discomfort is healing, healthy and communicative!  Humility and compassion bridges new beginnings and healthy relationships.

We sit across the table from one another and grieve, both struggling with the rawness in dealing with life, betrayal and lack of trust.  How do we trust others again? Where does a compassionate heart draw the line?

As a mother/grandmother full of wisdom and experiences, I should be able to console my son with ease regarding trust, but I can’t.  Not easily, anyways.  Not right now.  I’m still trying to figure out how to process and navigate trust myself.  I used to just laugh off pain and suppress it instead of feeling it, processing it and releasing it.

Tears come from the heart where healing starts!

Tears replace laughter, but through the discomfort, healing starts.  All I can do is be honest, share my heart and offer unconditional acceptance/love.  One reason God gave us family.

Sometimes a heart can be full of darkness hiding behind a smile!

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We laugh hysterically when my son interjects, “Don’t worry, mom, I’ll wipe your butt when you can’t.”  There’s hope and validation in those words.

Sometimes laughter can pave a way to handle the unknown.

Sadly, I subconsciously taught my children to make jokes when life gets hard and uncomfortable.

People may love to be around jovial spirits, but sometimes it’s covering up deep emotional pain.

We’re scared.  New beginnings abound.  My children and I have sojourned alone for so long and with being honest about our fears, whether through laughter, tears or anger, it’s communicated raw with unfiltered honesty.  It’s completely foreign and difficult. 

Through God’s grace, the intimacy and trust we’re developing is real and beautiful.

We have to fight hard to keep our small family intact, but it’s only growing larger and stronger through the transparency of the glue (love) that holds all things together.  God’s Great Love changes everything!

Others left me when their promised and expected love was initiated, but betrayal replaced unconditional love and scarred the heart.

Everyone hurts others, intentional or accidental, through our words and/or actions, but THIS MAMA reassures with roars similar to the Lord’s, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Can we be fierce and tender at the same time?

Jesus was both fierce and tender, so…

If Jesus saw a problem or a need, I believe since His motives were based on love, and He was both lamb and lion, I believe that means our strength can be poured out as both tender and fierce!

Filtering disappointments through my Lord‘s love offers me wisdom through God’s eyes and not the torment of my own heart.  Processing life through the absolute assurance of His Great Love, it allows me space to trust whether I agree with the decision or not.

Leaving those around us feeling well cared for and loved is the greatest gift we can leave this world in.

I’m trying to be a fierce and tender beloved who is filled with God’s Great Love that recognizes validation this side of heaven is thwarted by the enemy.  Part of my job is to push back the darkness to allow God’s glory to illuminate our paths back to Him.

That’s when I get blessed to look into those baby blue eyes and say with hope, “I’ll never let you go, no matter what.  Restoration from your broken heart is around the corner.”

Until next time…