Living With Addiction
Day 1 of 40
Whoa… pretty powerful and dark stuff, huh? Just typing those words makes me shutter and shake. Painful stuff! I can feel the heat arising from the flaming arrows of judgment and condemnation. Ouch! Writing those few words has my anxiety and defense mechanism sky high, my heart palpitating, armpits sweating (and it’s 40 degrees outside) along with tears projecting down my face! It’s through pain beauty is established!
If we all dare to be honest, we are all living with addiction through some vice or another so let’s take off those cast-iron horns (they’re mine ♥); because it’s so much more than the presumed drugs-and-alcohol scenario. We can’t forget about the addiction in being a workaholic; sexual gratification, pornography; food, smoking; sleeping pills; the internet; money, prestige, power, image; and performance; you name it! We all live under the bondage of addiction in some way or another so let’s come humbled and together so we can relate with one another in the comforts of our own bleeding hearts.
Addiction is a powerful enemy that creeps into our lives and families so subtle, yet no one even notices it at first. The person who is imprisoned by this disease infects more people than those who love and know them. This disease is like a viper who latches on and infiltrates generations to come and holds them all captive until someone is willing to stand firm and tall and demand enough is enough! In my own words, fighting this demon is not considered or called strength; this is severance W-O-N purely by the grace of God and mercy only!
Who really suffers and dies this side of heaven with addiction rearing its ugly head, the addict or the loved ones? What about future generations? Addiction is a form of mental illness so we really need to help each other walk through it rather than deny it by sweeping it underneath the rug and pretending it doesn’t exist with the infamous “What would people say syndrome?” A parent’s addiction from several generations past spews all kinds of damage from the addict ranging from depression to anger and/or shame. Addicts do bizarre things without even being conscience of their behavior because it’s never been called out before and it is presumed “normal”!
I’ve been challenged to share my own struggles in what living with addiction has done throughout its infection on my own family tree through the personal trials of what it has brought forth that I promised last year I would share. In being held accountable through my own words, I have been challenged for 40 straight days, eight full weeks, to sever the control of fear that has held me captive for over 50 years and be a voice of experience.
Let’s get one thing straight: I am proud of my family, who I am and where I came from, my lineal heritage; that’s the beauty in being who God designed me to be! There is no casting blame or stones here! It will be shared and testified through love, sometimes anger, no matter how painful or honest the Truth beholds, with raw and transparent emotions and experiences to help bring awareness to how an individual can break free from all the generational curses and strongholds in order to claim the healing for future generations. It’s our responsibility to care today! This smile you see daily was developed through the freedom of the many layers of pain and byproducts of addiction all because of the love of Christ!
Since God has brought purpose and beauty from the ashes of my pain, it was hard to find one common denominator that linked everything together except for one commonality: Addiction! Yes, suicidal tendencies are a byproduct and even an association of addiction. That link took me over 35 years to figure out! Every family has it. It’s becoming hugely obvious in society today that awareness and education of mental illness is gravely needed, but it’s up to all of us to own up to our own participation and choices by understanding how to live a healthy lifestyle and how not to be complacent, even acceptant, of the demon that breeds so subtly.
Addiction is not just limited to alcohol and drugs, but addiction breeds shame and depression, along with being a workaholic; it breeds aggression and anger; being emotionally absent (present in form only); even obesity; it breeds deep and paralyzing insecurities, instability, and FEAR. Addiction breeds pain, no matter how you look at it, and we need to start sharing with each other how to find hope, how to hang onto that hope that sets us and our loved ones free and how to embrace the changes needed for victory!
I’m going to share how the addiction and the powerful byproducts and encounters with the venomous viper not only latches onto the addict, but also through the lens and frame that the torment and pain brings to the living family and innocent future generations. I will be sharing stories as a child, a woman, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother Monday through Friday, with keeping Tuesdays devoted solely to Tammy Tangent Tuesdays’ challenges, because Tuesdays are all about us (me, me, me! ♥). Us Beautiful Beloveds need to know how amazing we are. If we choose to reach out and serve in the community, great; but right now let us Be-Loved and Be-Held and Be-Healed!
Please pray for me as this will be a difficult journey filled with extreme abandonment as I get out of the boat and walk on the water. And it’s deep! I don’t want to preach, I want to share and relate with my heartfelt pain. It’s going to be hard to share my pain, but it’s all for the glory of God and to let others know out there they’re not alone.
Until next time…