Courage To Be Still

Are you anything like me, it takes more than courage to be still?  What does that look like anyways and why on earth would I want to be still with all the demands clamoring for my attention?  Here I’m exhausted with a whole house to pack, still have “the” home to find, along with numerous state and federal filings for Blameless’ nonprofit status and I’m told to be still?

I am sitting here needing me some cheese to go along with all this whining as I vomit to the Lord all of my frustrations and how He needs to get real with His expectations; that how dare He tell me to sit and be still with all of this going on!  Attitude at its finest!  I’m so grateful we serve a good, good Father because what is coming out of my potty mouth right now isn’t exactly worthy to pen, but it’s the truth in how I’m feeling!  Frustration with a capital F!  Oh, and because He’s such a good, good Father, He lets me throw my Tammy Tantrums and loves me just the way I am!

Sit and write?  I don’t want to.  I don’t have a brain.  Why would I want to write?  All I would write about is how all these spinal injuries make it hard to type with my neck propped, brace and all; and sitting doesn’t exactly take the pain off the old back injuries.  It seems my cages and rods do nothing but sever my nerves these days.  But I can walk and move, sometimes even gracefully (in my dreams anyways!), so I am grateful for that.  There are times when I want to dance and move about like I used to, but all that does is makes me bitter and hilarious to watch.  Pain is a part of my journey. 

The Lord shared with me back in 2003 or so that I would live with chronic pain until He took me home to be with Him for eternity.  He even called it my thorn in the flesh that would keep me humbled that Paul so eloquently shares in describing his weakness in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.  I had just finished my two-year rehabilitation from a serious life-altering car accident that forever changed my life, but since I could finally walk to my mailbox that was located at the end of my driveway, I was elated with the progress.  At that time the pain was tolerable, but I had no idea subsequent accidents would cause more pain and damage. 

The simple things in life, really; learning how to walk down your driveway to retrieve the daily mail.  Just a simple feat and one WE ALL take for granted!  I know I did, and I still do at times.  Here I’ve done too much, things I’m not supposed to do, especially given my couple-pound weight limit.  Since the Lord gives me daily grace and an outpouring of strength and vitality to persevere, I forget all I accomplish because I lack self-compassion on the hard days. 

You know those moments, when someone gives you the greatest compliment by saying they had no idea all the injuries that your body has sustained and the pain you live through constantly, that it reminds you of His constant mercy and humbling grace?  That’s HUGE PRAISES to my Lord because He alone has sustained me!

Tonight I took a brief moment to catch the sunset.  I am a sunset chaser and one of many reasons I love my home.  Until they built the new cancer center next door, I had an unobstructed view of every sunset.  I love how God magnificently paints a masterpiece most nights to remind us of another beautiful day lived this side of heaven. 

Kind of strange how we say we don’t have ten minutes to be still and watch God’s majestic radiance as he paints a portrait that would brighten up any life while pouring peace over our depleted souls.  Instead we manage to spend over thirty minutes spewing and infecting those surrounding us what ten minutes of gratitude and stillness through admiration could accomplish.

Wow, amazing how magically better I feel.  Oh, I am in pain, but hopefully me stopping now and being still with admiration will afford the Lord some healing time so tomorrow I can get up and continue once again.  For all my fellow chronic pain sufferers out there, my heartfelt prayers for healing and restoration are yours for the taking.  Receive the peace, alignment and strength to continue to fight the good fight as we run towards the finish line.  One thing I know for certain, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). 

If you would like prayer or would like to share a comment, please honor me with the prayer request below.  I’m a firm believer in the power of prayer.

Until next time…